District Deliberations: Winners & Losers (1=biggest)

Losers

10. Boston – Unfortunate to name a whole city as losers here, but they were just such heavy favorites and its Bahston. On many gambling sites, they were as much as a 14 point favorite against an unlikely Giants team. For them to lose by three, well they just suck, and the fact that many "grown men were crying" inside of many local Bahston bars and pubs only clarifies this further. The chants of “Yankees suck” and “Go Sawks” never stop, but they were in full force when the clock hit zero on Sunday. For this Bahston fricken sucks wihked haad.

9. Bill Simmons- a native Bostonian and overall pain in the ass. Simmons writes as if Boston itself is the second coming of Jesus. He had plans to party with Tom Brady after a win and already had his championship perfect season article written. He bought a new Randy Moss jersey to commemorate the occasion. But then his trip to Arizona turned unhappy, when that Giants team won.

8. Career Builder.com and Sales Genie.com- These were two of the worst ads during the big game. Career Builder showed a woman’s heart (I thought it was something else) jump out of her chest and quit. It was creepy, inartistic, and disturbing. Sales Genie is even worse. Their openly racist cartoons featuring an overworked Indian dude and a Chinese Panda succeeding because of this website was awful. Very poor taste, and stupid.

7. New England Patriots – THEY LOST. LOOOOOSERRS! Tedy Bruschi…LOSER. Tom Brady…LOSER. Bill Belichick…LOSER…Randy Moss…LOSER!!!!! 17-14=18-1=LOSER!

6. Fox Sports Football Robot - This thing got its ass kicked by Terminators... Sorry dude, YOU LOSE!

5. Kobe Bryant - Just when you thought you couldn't get rid of him... SHAQ's BACK. The over the hill 7'1" big man just got traded to the Suns for Marion, and now I think Shaq will only play, if for no other reason, just to piss off Kobe Bryant. To remind everyone of the history between them, Shaq and Kobe won a lot, then Shaq left, and then only Shaq won, while Kobe faced a sexual misconduct proceeding and allegations of ball-hoggery. Overall, he's had to deal with a lousy Lakers team that will only suffer more in the west now that the Big Aristotle is going to be philosophizing all over his ass/Big Baryshnikov will dance all over his ass/ Dr. Shaq will be doctoring him all over the floor.

4. Smoke's Girl- this is more of a tragic tale then calling her a loser. Smoke’s Girl originally from Stamford, CT. Smoke’s girl is one of the fifth of Americans who can’t locate New England on a world map. Mistakenly she believes shes from New York even though shes a native New Englander. When Plax scored the winning TD, she should have been devastated, but instead she became one of the many casualties of the border war. (I think she attempted to engage in a “back bump” with Emo). Also, she hasn't written for the blog in a while...Loser

3. Henry Clay - This dude lost the presidential election in 1832, 1840, 1844, and the nomination in 1848. He lost his first criminal case. He is often referred to as the "Great Compromiser", yet during his era, he was known as an "old mackerel at night" for his constant stinking and then shining. He tied a duel because his opponent didn't fire at him, but rather into the air, after Clay had already missed twice. During his 1844 campaign, the most successful anti-whig pamphlet produced was one entitled "21 Reasons Why Clay Should Not Be Elected". After he lost the nomination in 1848, he exclaimed "I'd rather be right than president" which has been a catchphrase for bitter losers since then.

2. Mitt Romney- Sucks to be this guy. He was winning in several states before supporters of McCain and Huckabee colluded to not let him win. In West Virginia, Romney was way ahead with the other two split. Then all the McCain people threw their support for Huckabee (who was marginally ahead of McCain) and BAM. The Huck wins the Western Virginia, and Mittens loses.

1. Tiki Barber. I ranted about this yesterday, but Tiki left at what was the prime of his career. He left a team that he thought lacked QB leadership. He criticized the coaches. But then the won the Super Bowl. Also the Barber Shop on Sirius sucks. He's a beat reporter for NBC and never has anything of value to say. In this interview, I thought he was about to cry... Sorry Tiki, you were great, but this week, you lose.

Winners

10. People in Animal Costumes – most unexpectedly funny commercial of the Super Bowl.

9. John McCain - He seems to be gaining even more support. Like ELI and the G-MEN he was left for dead when he had no campaign money and his highest staff members left. But now, people are conspiring against his biggest rival (see: Mittens) in order to help get him the nomination. Also he's a war hero and a proud American (play: Hulk Hogan theme music). Maybe our next president?

8. Mr. Met - The silent jovial face of the NY Mets organization. Born in 1963, he is believed to be the first MLB mascot to appear in a human(oid) form. His popularity became so great that he was given a family (Lady Met and several baseball headed children). He has won 2 world series championships with the team, and his number 00 was officially designated to him when Tony Clark switched his jersey number to 52 in order to honor Mr. Met's service to the team. He has appeared in numerous sketches on Conan and Sports Center. His face is on Mets' currency, and he was, this past year, inducted into the Mascot Hall of Fame and a spokesmen for subway safety on MTA. Hats off to this ball-headed hero.

7. Stains – the best commercial of the Super Bowl because nobody had any idea what was going on until the product was displayed. It was also very reminiscent of Steve Carell in Bruce Almighty.

6. 1972 Dolphins…. Are allowed to keep popping that Champaign and Mercury Morris still maintains being relevant… this might have to go to the other column.

5. Bud Light- had some of the best ads in the Super Bowl, especially Will Ferrell playing Jackie Moon, the wine&cheese get together, and the Dr. Dolittle spoof (came out before the big game, but still funny)

4. Noe Burgos – He got wasted in a New York City the night of the biggest upset in recent history. (G-Men!)Rumor has it Mr. Burgos bought DNYGF-Q a drink and is also now the proud owner of an Eli jersey. He also excels in law school and enjoys long walks on the beach. bELIeve…Fo Sho.

3. New York - As a native New Yorker, anytime we beat Boston in anything is good, but winning the Super Bowl is great! The Mets got Johan Santana. The Proc is visiting. The Prolific resides here. All NY Teams that play outdoor sports are getting new stadiums. Bloomberg is the Mayor. Things are good in the big apple.

2. The New York Football Giants - THEY WON THE SUPERBOWL!

1. Eli Manning - AND HE IS THE MVP. After all this poor kid has been through with being nearly run out of town, inconsistent, and not an elite qb, Eli has shown through sheer gut, grits, and determination that he can lead a team to football's highest honor. Best of all, he did it with a smile! None of this Phillip Rivers gloating bullshit, Eli manning accomplished this through poise and fortitude. This dude is a rockstar and a great role model. He doesn't showboat; he doesn't let the media effect him; he just does his job...well. Kudos Eli, you rock.

And for no reason, everyone's favorite secretary, Pam Beasley, and the happy met couple...