District Deliberations: On the Rise of the Unlikely

If asked who the Republican nominee would be 6 months ago, there would have been maybe a handful of people who would have said beyond the shadow of a doubt: John McCain. However, tonight John McCain became the Republican candidate for the 2008 presidential election. Defying odds, and the bothersome campaigns of Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul, when Huckabee took the stage for the last time, mostly to demonstrate his sweet one-liners (seriously huck, you’re an awful comedian/politician; knock it off), John McCain ascended to the pinnacle of the Republican Party. This is troublesome for Democrats everywhere however, because like McCain’s campaign in August, Hillary has come back from a troublesome deficit and won Ohio (one of the most crucial states in the union, and it is truly a shame...not because Hillary won, but because Ohio sucks). Though Texas is still undecided (I’m writing this before all results are in) this should keep Hilldog afloat enough to contend the democratic candidacy until the convention. Way to go Hillary, you’re single-handedly keeping a Democrat out of the White House because you’re a selfish goon.

In other unlikely news, BRETT FAVRE FINALLY RETIRED! This comes as a shock to everyone because, well, we just thought he was gonna die before he’d ever retire. Seriously this is the most important piece of football news this decade, because Favre has been around for nearly 3! In all honesty, though, Favre will go down as one of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of the sport. Nobody played the game with as much grit and passion as this man did for the past 17 years. For that I commend you Brett. However, for every time someone called you a “gun slinger”, you threw a pick. In fact, you hold the slim honor of having the most interceptions in the history of the game. You even beat Vinny Testeverde! Moreover, Favre’s retirement means the dawn of a new era, the Aaron Rodgers era. Rodgers is often known for being the least used 1^st round pick in the past 4 years, in addition to getting hurt nearly every time he has played. More importantly, since he has been studying under Brett Favre, I can predict that there will be no lack of interceptions in Green Bay for years to come.

I was inspired by the last post from Chiggy/Double Deuce to include another unlikely hero. Ladies and Gentleman, let me present to you MMA fighter, Kimbo Slice. I’m pretty sure this is a homeless boxer that was found in bumfights, even though his wikipedia page will denote something completely different. Right now he is training under MMA legend, Bas Rutten, famous for these self-defense videos. Still, you make the call. Dingadadingadading, kick to the groin. (please don't try this at home, drunk, with friends, any of it ever)

Also Happy Birthday to Smoke’s Girl. Way to go, you did it!

Finally, another tribute to an unlikely individual who has risen to something great...err...Selma Hayek is just hot, ok?

Doubling Down to the Future

The last correspondence of the week.

To: Doble Deuce
From: Chigga What
RE: Ba(ra)ck to the Future
My Native American compadre,

I need to first start by noting that you just had a less distracted blast to explain Male/ Female salaries. I feel that subject might need to be explored a tad bit more, but who knows I'm just the neighborhood feminist. I agree with your assessment about if we had less distractions they would just fill up our day a tad bit more, but wouldn't that be a good thing? Isn't that similar to the concept of specialization? Maybe it's just me but while I acknowledge that the practice of being well rounded is a good thing, I rather people focus the majority of their efforts on a couple of things they know really well. But that's just me.

As for baseball/ girlfriend comment I would like to say god we love gay guys and I completely agree with your girlfriend. I didn't understand baseball until the playoffs last year. People love baseball BECAUSE it's boring. I have heard people talk about the "pace" of the game as a primary reason for the enjoyment but that's really just code for lack of action. Baseball is the only sport in which can be used as white noise. Background music to our lives, we value it because other more important human interactions/ work can be done without missing the beauty of the game. While I still hate the game, I get it and that's all that matters.

As for your sell out theory about advertising, I agree that is a problem but I think it was always a problem. We just didn't notice it before because we were younger. Ultimately I believe that even given less constrictions we would become bored with all forms of media because it's just too darn hard to remain fresh.

As for the Gladwell piece I think the majority of people that we deal with do not have the life experience to understand what he is talking about. He is commenting on the superstars of the world. The Buffets, Trumps, Cubans etc of the world. He concedes that for the borderline individuals and minorities the signaling effect does help but what does that really tell us? Roots my friend Roots.

As for the West, I can only really see three teams coming out of it. The Suns, the Spurs and the Lakers. Basically all of the teams where the stars of the team have championship experience. Experience matters and that's what I think is ultimately going to be the deciding factor. I also think that Kidd going to the Mavs make them worst and Yao's injury makes the rockets better. But then again that's just me.

The east? Does anyone watch that? Well again Ill give you the top 3, Cavs, Pistons, Celtics. I think the cavs take it and have been betting accordingly. Anyone who can do what Lebron did to the Raptors will not be stopped unless he runs into a much better team or another superstar who has the ability to match wits with him. LBJ beat the pistons single handily last year and he's better this year. As for the Celtics, doc rivers nuff said.

San Fran Culture? Does that city really have any culture outside of La Roccas? I think not, but who knows. It is different though because San Fran prides itself on not being LA. The weather is not as good and therefore the population is made up with tons of different people. In fact San Fran is one of the more diverse cities in the US so it's really difficult to pinpoint one overarching theme. Going from the Mission to the Marina one would more likely assume they left states than they are within the city. The gay thing is what you are famous for but I think it's just a small part of the melting pot that is the Bay.

Speaking of Cuban he thinks that the MMA will pass Boxing in our lifetime, why can't you just get on the freight train? Also with the new GF, I am sure you have noticed some differences between the two of you, what are your thoughts on how that translates to all male/female interactions?

Doubling down on your Indian ass,

To: Chi-Town Zie
From: I can't believe the musician from Road House Died
RE: Seriously, he was only 41

What's up Vanilla Face,

You are entirely correct to point out my dunderheadedness when it comes to female salaries though I have to say that I made that comment in jest. Women aren't paid as much as men because their brains are 1/3 the size of ours. Everyone knows that. It's science.

To your next point, in general, the world is better when people have a focus. If we still had to go out and forage for food, I'm sure no one would have come up with this series of tubes we call the internet. And even more tangentially, I don't think the internet would have boomed like it has if it weren't for internet porn. Suddenly, men didn't have to worry about looking like a douchebag at some store, sandwiching a porno magazine between two other magazines that they didn't really want just to get their rocks off. Now, there's this technology that allows us to do this from our desks at home. You can't tell me that the prospect of less ridicule isn't one of the things that led the pinheads who came up with this shit to keep innovating and making the internet better. Suddenly, those guys who could never get a girl's pants off didn't have to worry about it. They could just go to her website and tell her what to do. Gross.

I've told you many times that I love baseball because it's a background sport. But I still think you're missing the point just a little bit. The static nature of baseball means that, at any point, everything could change. So, when the count is two and two in the ninth inning of a tie game, the next pitch could end the game or not. There's so much drama inherent in static enterprises because when they finally move, each move can carry a ton of significance or none at all and the drama stems from that. That said, there is very little drama in a July game of a season that lasts 162 games. Also, you also forgot to mention that it's the perfect sport to drink beer to. This cannot be understated.

I understand that MMA is all the ('roid) rage. And it's awesome and the fights are awesome and the fighters are incredible and they (apparently) do not feel any pain. But I will always be a boxing apologist. Often, I've said that I love boxing because the heavyweight champion of the world is the guy who could beat up anyone else in the world (this is also the reason I like the 100 meter dash). At this point, this might not be true anymore, however, boxing will always hold that place for me because I grew up watching replays of the "Thrilla' in Manila" and the "Rumble in the Jungle" and all the rest. My father showed me tapes of Ali-Frazier III, 15 years after it happened and I was riveted. I couldn't (and still can’t) believe that had Frazier been able to rise for the 15th round, Ali might have died from internal bleeding. That's what pugilism is supposed to be about. Who the fuck is tougher? Those guys would have fought in an alley over a girl, it just so happened they were in a ring. Isn't that what we want? None of that could have happened had they not been in the ring for 15 grueling rounds. I love boxing because of what it used to represent, and I hate that it’s lost its verve, but I remain eternally hopeful in what it could once again represent; pugilistic purity.

It used to, and I hope once again will, represent something that Mixed Martial Arts never can because in MMA the clash in styles is always more important than the central question in boxing which is, who is the tougher motherfucker. Boxing is two people playing the exact same sport and seeing who can do it better for longer. That's as close to perfection as I can hope for.

Finally, I'm a terrible person to ask about the male-female dynamic.

Are males supposed to care about their careers more or less than females? Because the truth is, I barely care about a career. I have no idea what I do or why I do it the way that I do. There's no focus and no vision, probably because this isn't the job I want to be doing in three years. On the other hand, she legitimately cares about her job and will probably be beating up the world within two years if she decides that that is what she wants to do.

I mean, she thinks that I'm smarter than her, but that’s certainly not true. I’m not smarter, though I do get other people to do my work more often. Perhaps, this is a difference in the sexes or perhaps it's a difference in our individual relationship. I can't know for sure. Maybe it means I've mastered the corporate American art of outsourcing. Who knows? I probably worry less about the future, care less about money and care more about reading. But these seem more like individual differences than overarching male-female themes. It's probably also a reason why people like working with me. I'm always goofing off so there can't be any time to get nervous, which in turn means they'll do things for me.

Another difference is that she has boobs and I do not.

Till next time,

Mister Marshburn’s Wild Ride

Doubling Down Part Deux of a 17,000 part series.

To: DD,
From: Chiggy
RE: Feck off

DD,

First of all I would like to mention I am voting for Mccain, a vote for McCain is a vote for the Senator's employment (since he is working on the campaign). As for a need for personal communication I suppose this might be true, but I think it might have a little more with a need to place responsibilities/ blame on someone. Every time I deposit a check at the bank I make sure to go into the branch, not because I don't realize the ATM can do it but because I want to be able to blame an individual if my check is lost. It might not seem rational but I have actually had a check lost in the scuffle from the ATM to my bank account, as for texting I think it has more to do with the fact everyone wants to KIT, but they actually don't like as many people as they profess. There are five reasons why I text, 1) I am lazy, 2) I don't actually want to talk to you 3) Its loud (clubs, concerts, etc.) 4) I am busy (work, class, dinner, etc) or 5) I'm driving jk, there are probably only 4 reasons. Basically half the reasons are of the I don't like you very much variety. But alas I am a huge texter so I shouldn't really let me secrets out.

The main thing about the automated systems that gets to me is that they constantly frustrate everyone. I thought I was the only jackass who just repeated customer service while seething through his teeth; however I have recently watched a couple of friends go through the exact same act. I think just taking the automatic frustration level away from people would be an upgrade in customer service.

I agree with you take on society. I think we are too connected, too plugged in, I mean look at our blog, we have writers in DC, NYC, SF and LA and we are able to communicate frequently and quickly. I think it illustrates a little bit about the diverse options that we are presented with on a daily basis. I think people of our generation have the ability to work hard but with out a firm program/ timeline get distracted by the options of today.

Commercials are the same way, we have so many options and so many bright people have created them that nothing feels fresh, nothing feels new and hence why they seem shittier. Back when we were younger and hadn't been through the process as many times every super bowl commercial seemed fresh and exciting, but I think that might have been a result of having very little options to compare them with. My favorite new commercial is the All State "Safe Driving Bonus" radio spot ("safe-rib eating bonus!"). While it is nothing like the cave man spots it's a lot like the new school spots in which it's a quick cheap thrill and I still remember it months later.

Tangentially, I would like to ask you a couple of questions about our played out society. Super Man dunk or not a dunk? Gladwell's piece, thoughts? Also do you think BS will be angry that we stole his structure? (BTW I love the fact that Senator hates him, LGTS the model of diversity!) These and other questions need to be answered prior to getting back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Chiggy

To: Chiggy
From: Doble Deuce
RE: Two Tickets to Paradise

Chigga Chigga Chigga what Ni**!

So, here we are at a crossroads. How many electronic mails do we write? Would it be better if the Earth were just destroyed by a damn asteroid? I can't know, but it's time to live this week like its shark week. In the meantime, I'm gonna take all that knowledge you just gave me out behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

I understand the need to place blame on someone, and I empathize that automated machines don't allow you to do that. I guess it's just sort of weird and circumstantial that we enjoy human contact for completely different reasons. This must be how coalitions are made in Congress. A bunch of white dudes come together and realize they want the same thing for different purposes and sign a deal except when they do it there's always at least one more shithead that piggybacks on the deal and writes in some pork barrel spending for a bridge to nowhere or something. Good thing I pay taxes.

I guess I always thought automated voice systems were sort of soothing. I don't really get your hatred and, finally, every system I've ever used has immediately gone to the operator when I murmured, "Operator." So it goes, I guess.

Anyways, I think sometimes I go a bit far in my critique of society. The sky isn't falling down on us anymore, and as far as I can tell it never was barring a brief period from about 1968-1969. As you know, there is nothing in this world I hat as much as a hippie. Godless swine, I say. Still the movement away from personal interaction troubles me. I mean, at what point will I not even need my voicebox. I've always said that I would smoke to my hearts desire except I've never wanted to have to talk through one of those special external voiceboxes. Well, it appears that speaking itself has become overrated. This troubles me.

I agree that there are now MORE distractions, but I don't agree that this is the root cause of our collective malaise. I mean, there have always been distractions. When they're broken down, isn't that exactly what sports are? Maybe this is the root reason that companies have started to offer the same compensation for females as they do males. The females are less distracted by the traditional medias.

Anyways, if there were less distractions, I'd just let each of them fill up my day a bit more. At the very least, I'd be more knowledgeable about those distractions. So, that'd be nice. As it is, all I can talk about are sports, my job and a few writers.

In fact, just yesterday my girlfriend was asking me about baseball—and I know you hate baseball, but follow me here. She couldn't understand what made sports so goddamn appealing, and I realized that I can't explain it; it's part of being a normalized guy. Why should I care about the Dodgers or, especially, the Clippers? The players change every year, you know? But the thing is, I don't care about the players; I care about the jerseys. The players are the catalyst that allows us to feel that we are actually a part of something greater than ourselves. I think I ended it by saying that underneath it all, guys are pathetic.
There are three ways to look at the advertising conundrum. The first is that I can agree in principle that "a lot of bright people have been making bright commercials for too long," so now nothing feels fresh or new. Unequivocally, bright people make ads; they're drawn by the salaries available without extra schooling, but then the problem is that they're all bright. So in the industry the average advertising IQ is something like 130 so now you've got to be uber-exceptional to stand out.

However, there's another way to look at this. Too often in advertising, we make commercials to please the in-group. That is, to make the grade, you've got to impress the executives. In this process, a lot of the original meaning is lost, and, most times, the message is watered down. I think that, too often, the commercial is lost in an internal bureaucracy. It's too bad.

Finally, advertisers are always worried about amorphous things like "brand awareness" and "brand recognition" and whatever. They think of their job as an art form instead of what it should be: an extension of the sales force. Now, I'll grant you that advertisements that think of themselves as a sales tool tend to be boring and infomercially, but this sort of thing is cyclical man. Right now, we've got too many people telling too many good stories so they all get lost, but when you see an ad actually tell you to DO SOMETHING all of a sudden it works. Sometime in the future, I'm sure that'll flip again.

Wow, I'm not even to your questions yet.

No, the Superman dunk was not a dunk, but it was theater. And my question is who cares? What more could I ask for out of an exhibition competition, you know? It took some thought prior to the competition, and an insane amount of jumping ability. I loved it on three or four hundred levels.

Malcolm Gladwell's piece was from a while ago, and it is among the best articles I've ever read. The problem with Malcolm Gladwell is that he's too good of a writer. Every article of his that I read makes me both amazed and depressed. I can't write as candidly or as lucidly no matter how much I practice, this will never change.

Anyways, the article is incredible. I think it speaks to the biases we, as humans, have towards symptoms. We care about the problem; we do not care about why the problem exists, and this hampers our ability to solve anything. To tell you the truth, after reading the article I was most surprised that more universities don't take Harvard's approach. It blows my mind—remember, my mind is easily blown—that most schools admit students based on their predicted success in school instead of on their predicted success after school. After all, the people who build the libraries and the research areas are rich.
They're people that "made it" after school. In this light, who cares to predict how well someone will be able to write about classic literature. Wouldn't you rather they be ambitious enough to actually finish their own great novel?

I also found it interesting that people who got into UPenn as well as Penn St. and chose to go to Penn St. did just as well after college as those who went to UPenn. I mean, it makes sense. The sort of person who gets into UPenn in the first place is an ambitious sort of person. It shouldn't really matter where you go to school if you've got the ambition.

Finally, "mking connections"is totally overblown. That is to say, where you make connections is totally overblown. Penn students were telling you that connections were their basis for going to Penn as if there has never been a successful person at Penn St. If you're ambitious enough, you'll meet the right people. I guess what I really took away from his article is that life is mostly up to the individual. This is a good thing; as long as you're up for the challenge.

Anyways, I want to know what you think about the Western Conference, your thoughts on the Eastern Conference and what you think about San Francisco culture. It's still a west coast thing we've got going on up here, but everything is just a little bit different. It can't be just the gay vibe, can it?

Back to you, you blackface.