NFL Roustabout

Chiggy’s Picks; Doble Deuce’s round-up
Miami -4 vs. Oakland

Honestly, this game is too boring to write about. And I just realized that Chiggy took Miami. Seriously , what a tool. I live by only 9 rules in my life, but if there were a tenth, it would be, “Whenever the Dolphins are giving four, you go with the other team.” Mark my words, Oakland will cover.

Houston -3 at Atlanta

There’s not much to say about Atlanta. From what I hear they had a relatively quiet off-season punctuated by the exemplary emotional intelligence of their quarterback. The worst thing about this is that I love what Bobby Petrino does with offenses, but right now he has a classical pianist taking the snaps and if you don’t think I wrote that whole last sentence to include the word pianist, you don’t know me well enough.

Baltimore -4.5 at Cleveland

Seriously, there is nothing worse than a football game that is not worth watching. And this is going to be a suckfest not worth watching. So, instead of railing about the Browns being part of the Third Reich or something I’m going to talk about hangovers. So, I’m at work and I’m hung over. There isn’t much worse than this, except (I guess) that I’m being paid to be hungover. Anyways, we need to band together to stop hangovers and I think I have a solution because, obviously, I hate comedowns/hangovers. I also don’t really like how long drugs last. I want to feel the drug for a bit, but then have the symptoms go away. In light of this, I want to create a meta-drug. I’d take it and then all of a sudden I’d be all contemplative and despondent AND I’d be inexplicably hungry. Then half an hour later I’d come out of it but all of a sudden I’d be jittery and nervous and I’d think I was the coolest person in the room. Then after half an hour I’d just be sloppy drunk which would obviously segue into being hallucinogenic. Finally, at the end of it all the drug would have a comedown that consisted of a blow job or something. Honestly, who wouldn’t take this imagined concoction?

Det +3 vs. Chicago

Finally, we get to an interesting match-up. Is Chicago’s Defense actually overrated? Will the switch to Brian Griese pay dividends? Can God help the Lion’s to win, again? Does I can’t Believe it’s not Butter taste better than real butter? All these questions will be answered on Sunday, except the last one, and the answer to that one is, “No.”
Anyways, there are a lot of ways to look at this game. The Lions would love to turn it into a shootout and the Bears would like it to be played in the trenches. Alls I know is that Jon Kitna guaranteed a 10 win season and since he has God on his side, how can you bet against him? Oh yeah, because he’s Jon fuckin’ Kitna.

GB -2 at Minnesota

Time to channel some John Madden. Brett Favre loves football. That’s the one thing we know. He might throw a bunch of interceptions on Sunday or he could lead the Pack Attack to another victory extending his lead for career wins even further over John Elway, but no matter what happens one thing will stay the same. Brett Favre will still LOVE FOOTBALL. He plays the game with reckless abandon, and He LOVES FOOTBALL. I like to imagine Brett Favre’s (pronounced FOV-RE) coaches as cartoon characters and then when Brett makes an ill-advised throw that somehow threads the needle, we all see worry lines above the guy’s head, but that just me. I’m the guy that also spends my Sundays imagining Brett Favre LOVING FOOTBALL. Also, every time Brett Favre throws a touchdown an angel get its wings. However, every time he throws an interception a baby dies, so parents, you know, hold your babies tight because Brett Favre is a gunslinger who only cares about winning. Interceptions be damned. Brett Favre LOVES FOOTBALL.

STL +13 at Dallas

Again, Chiggy shows that his brains are made out of fuckjuice. Actually, I guess all of our brains are sort of made out of fuckjuice. That slight didn’t really work. Anyways, Dallas is going to win this game, and they’re going to win this game big. Marc Bulger has three cracked ribs because St. Louis recruited their offensive line from Mrs. May’s Del Obispo Elementary School fifth grade class, and Steven Jackson is out with a partially torn groin. Meanwhile, Tony Romo is spending his Havana days pulverizing opposing teams and his Havana Nights salsa-ing with starlets. Honestly, Tony Romo is so dreamy, an off-game for him is curing four cancer patients instead of five, saving 40 acres of rainforest instead of 41 and throwing seven touchdowns instead of, well, seven touchdowns. My guess on this game Vaqueros: 97 Rams: -7.

Buff +3.5 vs. NY Jets

Chiggy and I have a vested interest in this game. We have Lee Evans on our fantasy team, excuse me our “worst team ever” fantasy football team, and he’s gotten us a grand total of 31 yards. I hear you asking, “But why wouldn’t you just drop him and pick someone else up.” To you I say, “I’m a true believer.” And true believers don’t give up on marginal stars that easily. I’ve got Lee Evans on the brain and its going to take a lot more than three games to get him out. Also, in the interest of full disclosure, right now would be a good time to mention that I am not to be trusted with anything that has to do with prognostication. Both my fantasy baseball teams are in last place as is my fantasy football team, and I’m probably in last place in all of my pick’em leagues. In related news, my girlfriend broke up with me, I slit my wrists yesterday, it starts raining when I go outside and a car just sprayed water all over my new Armani suit as I typed this sentence.

TB +3 at Carolina

I’m a bit skeptical about this whole pirate renaissance that’s been going on over the last couple of years. I mean, I know Johnny Depp is incredibly dreamy, but, seriously, how long can it really last? Does it have the legs to get out of this weekend? I hope so because if gambling were legal, I’d have money on the Buccaneers on Sunday. This actually might mean I have what people in the business call a “gambling problem” (you know, if gambling were legal) because I don’t think I could actually name three members of the Buccaneers.

Seattle -2 at San Francisco

Loyal readers (actually reader, I believe her name is Anne) of Let’s go To Smoke’s know that the old Double Deuce lives in San Francisco. What they do not yet know is that he is an utter and complete homer. Even though, I don’t really believe San Francisco can win this game and even though metrics tell me they can’t win this game, and even though metrics are science and science is very rarely wrong, I’m still going with the 49er’s on this one, Chiggy be dmaned. I feel like I should be part of a revival of the old Da Bears skit from SNL.

Fat guy while eating an onion ring: “Who would win in a fistfight, Nolan or God.”
Double Deucer: “Does Nolan have a hand tied behind his back?”
Fat Guy: “Of course, like always.”
Doble Deuce: “Okay good, then Nolan in twelve, a real squeaker.”

Pitts -6 at Arizona

That chocolate face Chiggy said this is the easiest game of the week to call, and he’s probably right. However, I’ve been wooed by the awe-inspiring beauty of Matt Leinart, and I just can’t pick against the Cardinals. I mean, look at him, doesn’t he just make your heart melt?

KC +12 at San Diego

“San Diego can’t be that bad, they just can’t be.” I’ve told myself this for the last two weeks and each week I’ve been horribly, horribly wrong. No matter Ladainian Tomlinson can’t be stopped for three straight weeks so I’m laying the points for San Diego.

Indy -9.5 vs. Denver

I don’t know, this whole post is getting too long. Take Peyton, take Jay Cutler. What do I look like? A damn wizard. I’m just trying to make some picks dammit.

Phily -2.5 vs. The New York Football Giants

Kevin Curtis knows how hard it is to be a white wide receiver in a world where your kind just isn’t appreciated. Anyways, Eli Manning will probably be Eli Manning and Donovan McNabb will probably still be pissed off about having to give a little extra and I don’t really give a shit. The truth of the matter is that by this time on Sunday, I probably won’t be able to remember my name.

Actually at this point I’ve actually just had a thought. If the Iggles do not beat the spread I will allow an otter 14 minutes to try to bludgeon me to death. So if I have any otter readership out there, this may be your chance to really stick it to a member of the human species who has so thoughtlessly ruined your little world. Seriously, I might let the otter just do it anyway. I mean, if I had to be bludgeoned death by an animal, I can’t think of a cuter animal to do the deed than a sea otter. I think I might actually let him do it.

NE -7.5 at Cincinnati

Let’s see:
-The Patriots took down a 16 and a half point spread last week.
- They scored 38 points last week, and I’m pretty sure they’ll do at least the same again.
- Carson Palmer looks as if he does not have an upper lip when he smiles
- Tom Brady is dreamy.

All of this adds up to a Patriots victory though my advice is that if gambling were legal the over might be the best bet of the week. The Patriots might get it on their own actually.

Update
Week: 8-6-0
Season 27-30-3

Corporate America

Sitting in the lobby at his first day at Brown & Brown (B&B), Ernesto Mori (“The man himself”) had no idea on what to expect as a Financial Analyst. He had not met any of the other employees and was nervously wondering if he would make a good impression. (This was not logical as Ernie equals good impression). Ernie wasn’t nervous that his coworkers wouldn’t like him; instead he was nervous that they wouldn’t have a sense of humor. Mr. Mori was known to be extremely mischievous and had pulled a prank or two during his days in college.

All of the sudden another coworker walked in. His name was Chris. Chris was a goofy looking guy, taller, slightly overweight with glasses. His hair was in a bowl cut and he looked like his parents had dressed him for work.

Chris: “Are you Ernie?”

Ernie: “Yup! Who dressed you? A blind Telatubby?”

Chris: “Ernie, please respect my authority I am the Senior analyst here”

Ernie: “I thought you were just an analyst”

Chris: “I came before you and therefore I am Senior”

Ernie quickly realized he could have fun with this Chris guy. While Chris was introducing him to all of the other employees in the company, a girl caught his eye.

Jess, the administrative assistant to his office manager. Jess was hot. Physically she was right down Ernie’s strike range, 5’6’’, blond, vivacious and bubbly. Perfect eye candy for getting through the day in Corporate America. Ernie made a mental note to figure out if she was available.

A Staggering Work of Low Morals & American Hegemony

So, here's the article that started me bloggin and got me in trouble with many, many former flames. Some people might ask, "If it got you in trouble why would you re-produce it?" Well, it may be the one piece of writing that I'm prouder of than any other, and this is probably resultant of how much trouble it got me into in the first place. Lets just say that I am not emotionally flawless. Anyways, given that Chiggy posted our former flame questions (the herpes one is mine, dammit), I figured it would be the perfect time to put all of my exes on their rightful pedestal. So, stick around learn about my exes and how Dwayne Wade does that or just skip to the girls part about two-thirds of the way down, just know, however, that if you do that, you will have broken my heart.


Before we get started, I need to get something off my chest; I look like a prettier Johnny Depp mixed with a healthy dose of Brad Pitt’s abdominal muscles from Fight Club not to mention that I’m hung like Mark Wahlberg’s prostheses from Boogie Nights. Okay, thank God we got that out of the way.I tell you these things for a purpose beyond bragging (and lying). I tell you this because I went to a bar last weekend and at this bar there was a twenty-dollar cover. Now, considering that I am the cheapest person in the world, I immediately a.) became extremely annoyed with my two friends for dragging me from my bar stool at a relentlessly un-cool speak-easy using the empty promises of sugar plums and manna and b.) began to grumble about the twenty dollar fee quite vociferously (even for a drunkard). As we got to the front of the line, I was still verbally accosting anyone who talked to me including the bouncer. Surprisingly, he didn’t bar me from entering. In fact, he was extremely cordial before quieting me by saying the most important five words any bouncer could ever utter: “There are playmates up there.” All of a sudden, and for the next 24 seconds the twenty-dollar charge seemed completely reasonable and perhaps even a little low. Then the shot clock on the cover expired and I came to a pretty epic realization.

What does it matter that there are Playmates up there?

I mean, let’s be upfront about this. Even if you did possess Johnny Depp’s counter-culture good looks and Brad Pitt’s abs from Fight Club (and for fun let’s even throw in Milton Berle’s tower of power) what are the chances you’d get to take a Playmate home at a party thrown specifically for them when every non-gay male in the place harbors the same aspirations. Honestly, these playmates can choose to go home with anyone!!!! So, even if you were a movie star’s doppelganger why would she choose you. And, I’m not saying Johnny Depp couldn’t pick up any of those playmates (because he could). I’m saying that while women do care about comeliness, attractive appearances are secondary to wealth. Now, I realize this isn’t exactly groundbreaking information here, but bear with me and you’ll learn something about why country’s fight wars, how Dwyane Wade does that, and why I wasted twenty dollars.

Why countries fight, and how this is related to why I will (probably) never bang a Playboy Bunny.

At its heart, every relationship is a power struggle. In some cases, it’s obvious, but usually it isn’t. The struggle exists beneath a façade erected as a courtesy to shield both members from exterior scrutiny, but it’s always there. The struggle for power never goes away. And whoever is stronger wields the strength in any relationship. Now, I know this (sort of) demystifies and (totally) de-sexualizes the entire idiom of romantic interluding, but when they’re really really broken down there is a common thread between romantic relationships and why wars have occurred in the past and will continue into the future.A relationship is an accord between two like entities whose balance of power is constantly in flux. What this means is that while one party may have the advantage at one point, the entire balance could shift in the blink of an eye and at this point the lesser power can gain the upper hand. For example, after World War II, the United States controlled something like 40 percent of the entire world’s productive capacity and the atomic bomb. Back then the saying “These Colors Don’t Run” was a way of life not a bumper sticker. Then, in 1947, the U.S.S.R. unlocked the nuclear puzzle and, in what seemed like the blink of an eye, the Soviets leveled the international playing field. What happened? Well, an international relations guru like Ken Waltz would probably say something like, “there was one superpower so there was an international power vacuum allowing for another country to rise up and challenge the pre-eminent power.” And he’s exactly right. Have you ever seen a person get away with infidelity when there was no way that their partner did not know what was happening? Because that’s pretty much what happened when the Soviets got the bomb. If you have seen this, then you’ve seen an example of what happens when one half of a two actor system loses its power advantage. And these things happen all the time; in romantic relationships and in the international system. How did the United States justify going to war with Iraq? Whether or not you think we should have been there, the evidence supporting WMD’s was suspect, and if that was our only reason for invading then we made a mistake. However, there were obviously other factors contributing to the decision to topple a dictatorship halfway around the world. Namely, we could. America had (and has) a preponderance of power, it holds the entire deck (with Jokers included). America is the cheating woman whom the rest of the world continuously crawls back to because they have nowhere else to go. She is the devil who wears Prada. And that’s the thing with relationships, no matter what anyone tries to do to make them act more rationally whether it be creating a U.N. or a weekly date night, they will never act rationally and they will always be dangerous.

Men and women continue to date because there is a chance that somewhere out there in this mad, mad world there is a person with whom power can be shared and equality guaranteed. And this perfect relationship will be both gratifying and incredibly rewarding. For much the same reasons, countries will always continue to align with eachother because it’s always easier to face this cruel, cruel world as part of a team than by oneself. Sadly, this is also the reason wars will continue eternally. When one side starts to gain power, the other starts to worry what the first side will do with their newfound strength. Will they subjugate us? Will they slaughter us all? Is she going to break up with me so she can chase after that other guy? And I know that these are all irrational fears, but they have existed from the time God K.O.’ed Adam so he could steal his rib. With this in mind, here is a short history of America using my own relationships as a crutch to illustrate the very real, very strong similarity between power, relationships and the international system.

Kelly Kapowski & Me= England vs. U.S.- She was the powerful homecoming queen (with a strong Royal Navy, I guess) and I was a rising power. We had a lot in common, but as we grew up in college (same school) her power began to wane as mine began to augment until we had to separate because my hunger for power was insatiable (Manifested in my desire to drink beer). Also, she’s still really pretty and we have a treaty—i.e. we talk cordially from time to time (until she reads this I suppose).

Veronica Corningstone & Me= U.S. vs. Russia- We both had a lot of firepower. She was great looking and cool as could be. She had a radio show on our college radio station and had great taste in all things aural. She’s the only girl I’ve ever dated who I thought was (probably) cooler than me. I had recently returned from Europe where I had run with some bulls and garnered enough stories to be consistently interesting past the fourth date. But in the end, she came out on top. My economy just couldn’t handle it. And this is even though I never had an Orwell to poke holes in my logic.

Rachel McAdams & Me= Switzerland vs. U.S.- Rachel was noncommittal because I was graduating; she had to come back to school in the fall for one more quarter, and was going to Europe that summer. That said, she was sort of clinging at the end and talked endlessly of what it was going to be like when she came back. So, she’s like Switzerland in World War II; if the Swiss abstained but didn’t let the Germans use their banks.

Sarah Packard & Me= Iraq vs. U.S.- I probably took advantage of Sarah sexually. I met her after breaking it off with England and I was in a frenzied state. She had no real power in the relationship and I pretty much bombed her whenever I felt like it. 20 years from now, I am going to wonder why I ever did it.

Gloria Cleary & Me= The Netherlands vs. U.S.- Gloria graduated a year early and promptly went to graduate school….to jump around with monkeys in the jungle, which was just about the goofiest thing I had ever heard. I suppose she’s the Netherlands because it’s the goofiest country I’ve ever seen. Honestly, who’s national color is burnt orange? Really.

Etta Place & Me= Kosovo vs. U.S.- I made it with Ms. Place the night Gloria left. Then I bombed her for a few weeks before stopping (sort of) inexplicably. Kind of like Clinton and Kosovo.

Cloris Leachman & Me= The Philippines vs. U.S.- Cloris was gorgeous in eighth grade and throughout our first two years in high school. We fooled around a few times and I had a crush on her, but after awhile realized that I had no real desire to continue. Besides, I was close to starting my relationship with England, so continuing could do nothing except cause the world to think I was imperialist.

Maggie The Cat & Me= Spain vs. The U.S.- Maggie the Cat starred in Cat on A Hot Tin Roof and serves as the pseudonym for the girl with whom I had my first sexual encounter. The weird thing is, I almost forgot about it much like our (mostly) forgotten war with Spain, which ironically netted the Philippines.

The One-Night Stands & Me= Those lost in the primordial capitalist soup vs. The U.S.- These girls are comprised (mostly) of all the girls I met directly after England and I stopped talking. In fact, some of them happened in that weird time when England’s and my relationship was stuck in a coma and neither of us really knew what was going on. Is it salvageable? I don’t know, well….So yeah, I am not and have not always been morally flawless. Anyways, these girls are lost in the capitalist machine that separates the rich from the poor and the girls that I went out with from the ones that I did not.

These sorts of relationships are exactly why the international system exists. Besides the rudimentary literary device of using my life as an allegory to illustrate a larger truth, these girls all represent the power dynamic present in every two-actor relationship. Veronica Corningstone is the reason America outlasted Russia just as the Wall coming down signified my total lack of control over that relationship. Not only do all of these rib-stealers comprise the contents of my heart, they illustrate why less powerful countries need to ally against the powerful ones—i.e if they do not, they will be overrun—and why, at the start of The Cold War, two equally strong sides emerged.However, they cannot explain why the world has not risen to balance against the United States in the aftermath of the collapse of the Soviet Union. But I think I have the answer. Ken Waltz would probably say that in the early 1990’s the American preponderance of power was too great to counter-balance. Then he might mention the relative benignity of the American hegemony illustrated by the fact that the United States is the first hegemony whose neighbors go to sleep every night knowing their autonomy is never in danger. However, I think there is a much simpler way to illustrate this point and it brings me back to the playmates and why I might as well have just burned a twenty-dollar bill whilst sitting on my barstool. Those playmates at that trendy bar in San Francisco represented America at the turn of the new century and beyond. In the context of a party thrown for them and about them, they held all the cards (including the Jokers). And this is why it was a total waste of money no matter what a steroid using ex-high school football player who allowed me access to that world said. The fact that playmates were upstairs dancing meant nothing because there was no chance—even if I allied with all of my friends—that I would be leaving with any of those vixens. They were just too powerful, too buxom and really too drunk to have any fun with anyway. And oh yeah, that other thing I told you I’d teach you….

How Does Dwyane Wade Do That?

He’s uberathletic. Other than that, I don’t even think Dwyane knows how He just did that.

The Former GF Survey

I am 23; Double Deuce is 23; Noe is 21; and just because we are so wise (not to mention good looking) doesn’t mean we don’t grow up everyday. Part of growing up is trying new things and giving up other things. The guys here at “Letsgotosmokes” have decided to revisit some of these things. We will install a new periodic segment called “The Former Segment.” This segment will take on all shapes and sizes including former sports, former hook-up, former girlfriends, former friends, former prostitutes and former adventures. Today I will start by introducing our standard former gf survey.

1. How often do you think about me while you're having sex with someone else?
2. Have you stopped doing that annoying thing with your hair?
3. Since we broke up; have you been accosted by Isaiah Thomas? Because its like 50/50
4. You still into dirty, kinky things?
5. What, I need to stay 50 yards away at all times; we never went out? But what about all those times I stared at you through your window?
6. Are you really a lesbian?
7. This is not a question but I never told you, “I have herpes”

BITCHES

Public Service Announcement.
Giving the possible ambiguity caused by the word "Bitches" and it's constant use by Isaiah Thomas, I want to clear up the meaning of the word "bitch" in this blog, not just for our female readers but for everyone.
Bitch has a number of meanings.
1- What Isaiah Thomas calls MSG employees
2- What the world should call Heidi from The Hills
3- A Punk or a very soft person, whether constantly or at specific moments of existence.

Thank you for your time. Also, please be aware of the new subtitle of our blog, thanks to Double Deuce

All About the Double Deuce

My name is Double Deuce; I'll be your friendly San Francisco neighborhood blogger. A bit about me. I met Chiggy years ago at a dog-fight and we hit it off. We both bet on the Black Lab, but should have gone with the boxer. That was our first of many bad decisions made that day highlighted by a stolen car and a murdered hooker. But that's a story for another day. Anyways, my writing is a bit different from that chocolate face Chigozie. It tends to be less reactionary and a whole hell of a lot whiter. Whether or not this is better or worse is less important than whether or not whatever I write makes me laugh.

Anyways, here's a quick roadmap of my mind: (Feel free to leave threatening or racially charged comments in the section of the same name)

Ten Rules I Live By
1. Never bet on Peyton Manning in the playoffs.
2. Watch “24” every week bar none. In fact, I’ve only ever missed one episode of 24. At the time, a girl and I were going through a long break-up— this was the final straw. No one keeps me from my man-crush on Jack Bauer.
3. Watch the O.C. every week
4. Always be able to see my penis. When I get older I want to be jovially plump, but my grandpa is a little bit out of control. The penis test is the best way to make sure you’re never too fat. If you can’t see your penis, lose some weight. Reader’s Note: I don’t actually know what my Grandpa’s status on the penis test is. However, he is a very rotund man.
5. If at all possible, drive, don’t fly. Of course, from what I hear, gas is a precious commodity and this is a ridiculous waste of said resource. Still, I’m American and, as such, I just don’t care.
6. Listen to Bill Simmons and never bet against Tom Brady, Larry Bird, and/or any other random Boston sports figure.
7. Star Trek: The Next Generation was superior in every way to the original Star Trek.
8. I don’t drink coffee because it’s not good for me, I do drink copious amounts of alcohol most days of the week. I’m very selective about my life choices.
9. Give a dollar to every bum I see because he could be Jesus. I’m serious about this. One time when I was a young child, I made fun of a bum and my Dad told me it wasn’t a nice thing to do—I knew it wasn’t nice when I did it, but that’s not the point. Everyone knows children can be mean (sometimes I think they’re the worst people on the planet). He told me that I should always be nice to bums because it could be the Son of Man himself. I understand now that this would mean that Jesus had returned and that the world should be somewhere near the apocalypse, but as a young child I thought it was totally plausible that God’s son could be the bum I would never see again, and this one time I talked to him would be the only time I talked to Jesus. Not surprisingly, I gave bums all of my money.
10. I only live by nine rules.

The Hills

Living outside of the comforts of Southern California, I was captivated by the MTV show Laguna Beach. Yes, I am a bitch. I watched Laguna. Fake High School Team Drama couldn't been better. Sophomore year of College we even had a Laguna Viewing Party, where we killed a a good 3 24 packs of beer. Call us bitches, but it doesn't get better than this, and WHY? Simply because they are so STUPID and ATTRACTIVE. Laguna's spin-off, the Hills features a bit less attractive girls, but the same amount of insane stupidity and drama that we all secretly love. Today, I will analyze and make comments on last week's the Hills Episode.
Opening Credits (What Happened on the last show)
Heidi (the archrival/former best friend of the star of the show Lauren Conrad) is shown in her new job position, where she leapfrogged more senior employees because she's on a fucking TV Show.
Lauren, the star, has been dating a bunch of douches and now decides to have coffee with her ex, Jason, star of VH1's celebrity (and by celebrity, D list celebrity) Rap-Off.
Audrina, Lauren's attractive but mentally challenged new roommate, begins dating some douche with the bad boy attitude, yet he probably has a trust fund. He also always has dirty white t-shirts, which have led me to believe that MTV dirties them for him before every scene. At least, we see Audrina's ass crack while she is riding off with him in his bike.
Beggining of the Show
Audrina enters and tells Lauren about her great weekend with her douche. They had a good time and "fooled around". We will probably see a sex tape soon. Her boyfriend looks like the type of douche that would do that.
Lauren, is then showed at her office at Teen Vogue. Lauren works around 2 days a week. Judging from previous episodes, Lauren comes in for around 2 hours those 2 days and gets asked questions by her friend/superior. I can't remember that bitches name because all she does is ask Lauren fucking plot advancing questions. Just when it was getting awkward, Jason calls and asks Lauren for dinner. I hope he bangs her again!
Fucking Heidi has some intern transfer her numbers to her new phone. Heidi is a fucking whore. Not even when I was a shit intern did I have to do something as shitty as that! During this, Heidi gets a call from her DOUCHE Spencer. He asks about her new job even thought he probably saw her 15 minutes before. Spencer invites Heidi to dinner to the same place where Jason asked Lauren too. Possible Conflict where many near shoves and words will be exchanged, resembling Penn Fraternity parties.
Restaurant
Both couples get there. Spencer is a douche and makes fun of the fact that Jason was in jail and rehab. I want to be friends with Jason, he knows how to party. Jason also wants to throw down and beat the shit out of Spencer. Fucking Lauren tells him not to do it. Women are once again the downfall of a good rumble. Lauren makes Jason roll so he won't fight. FUCK. Anyways, they go home. Jason talks to Lauren about how he always knew Heidi was a fucking WHORE. As always, dudes are right and they always know when girls' friends are stupid, which they usually are. Then they play the stupid music they always play about some EMO feeling they have. EMO moment ensues. I wish Jason would get drunk and bang Lauren.
Next Day
The girl at work asks Lauren stupid questions. Same shit, different show. However, Lauren refers to Spencer as "homeboy".
Definition of homeboy according to Urban Dictionary: Originally used among transplanted African-Americans with Southern roots to refer to and aid in the assimilation of someone who might have directly migrated from a common Southern home town or is otherwise well known to the person using the term.
I will leave this at that.
Heidi goes to work and vents to the poor lady she took the promotion from. The lady calls her sad. HEIDI=WHORE
Lauren leaves work early, because she doesn't do shit. I hope Jason bangs her again.
Disappointment comes in the scenes from the next show, as we hear that Jason is engaged.
what a LOSER! don't worry thought, that means more for Chigozie.