Recapping the debates, primaries…

So it’s that season again; the one where pundits and bloggers, and any idiot with a computer or access to some kind of medium will clutter the universe with more unnecessary bullshit regarding the state of American politics. With this in mind, here I am to recap the past week in politics for you all. Let’s start with the Republicans.

At the first major political event for the next season, the Iowa Caucus, two candidates were frontrunners from the beginning. Arkansas Senator Mike Huckabee held a slight lead over Massachusetts flip-flopper Mitt Romney. The rest of the candidates showed little consideration for this caucus, it being only the first of many. Rudy didn’t even go to Iowa. McCain put most of his focus into New Hampshire. I’m not sure Fred Thompson and Ron Paul are there for any other reason then to piss off Mitt Romney. In the end, this was the case: Huckabee won and Mitt, who finished second, was left to go fix his hair. Surprisingly, however, were the finishes of Fred Thompson (third) and Rudy Giuliani (sixth). Thompson who has been a dark horse candidate since he announced his intent, was given an unexpected amount of support, especially since McCain and Giuliani have at different points been considered frontrunners. This result demonstrated that this is going to be a closer race than most suspect.

At the Facebook Debates last Saturday night (1-night, 2 Parties, how fucking cheezy really), the Republicans started off with a bang, and then slowly followed with each candidate reiterating their stagnant and unwaveringly crappy responses we’ve all already heard and seen before. To recap:

No candidate agrees with any other on the topic of immigration reform. As soon as one candidate opened their mouth, someone else was there to argue them down. Nobody likes the war, but the debate kept on to how each candidate would continue to fight it. Most of them agreed that America has a great Health Care system which leads me to believe that in their heads they cannot distinguish between "Health Care" and "good doctors". The problem now is that we have good doctors, but not everyone can reach them. Thats the problem that they neglected through and through (except Ron Paul who turned the topic to the war, for some reason).

Each candidate showed tonight they all have some kind of skeleton hanging in their closet that separates them from what seems to be the true goals of the party. Fred Thompson, who has been unofficially declared the winner, has been deemed to not care enough about running or being interested in the party. However, his skills as a debater and public speaker (not to mention his hot hot wife Jeri) were enough to keep him in the race after tonight. Ron Paul continues to sway everything to the war because his winning viewpoint, to American politics at this point, is that he was anti-war from the start. Still he’s a creepy libertarian who favors some form of the gold-silver standard that William Jennings Bryan tried to push in 1896. Like Jennings Bryan, Paul will never be the president. Huckabee has had some difficulty when it came to issues pertaining to the war. He has been inconsistent on this topic in recent weeks and will need to “rethink” his strategy again. In his defense, Huckabee has an uncanny ability to talk to the common man. He may not even answer the questions directed at him half the time, but wow does he get your attention. I think its due to his unique way of oversimplifying the problems. After a question is posed he'll say quite simply what we need to do and add a “God” or “Jesus” or two for good measure, and the audience is captivated. He may not ever even propose a solution to any problem they pose to him, but dammit does he look good telling us that we in fact do need a solution. Giuliani did pretty well tonight as well, except he constantly reminds viewers where he was on 9-11. I was in NY during that time, and trust me, the guy did a great job, but stop bringing it up. Really, Rudy’s a smart guy, but he makes himself so aggravating and one-dimensional with this crap. McCain, though heavily favored in this state, didn’t show too much interest. He didn’t really lose any ground, but this being a huge medium; you’d expect him to be a bit livelier. Romney’s malfunction would be that he flip-flops and was once a pro-choice guy. Also he’s a creepy Mormon that nobody likes. My favorite point in the debate was when Mitt said “Oh no, I like mandates,” and Fred Thompson pounced, saying “I didn’t think you’d admit that tonight.” This gay joke got a high-five from Ron Paul, and it was approved by anyone in America watching who is A) a dude B) a cool chick or C) not gay, and even then I’m sure a few of them laughed too. In all, this showed that there is no real favorite in this race, but it reaffirmed what we all knew: everyone hates on Mitt Romney, and not to victimize him because he deserves most of it. Also, leave it to a bunch of middle-aged white conservative men to be catty with each other and totally disrespectful. I'm waiting for a slap fight to break out at the next debate, because then more of America would watch.

The NH primary proved to be another mountain for Romney to climb as McCain won handedly. This was the second time that Romney was a projected winner and finished in a distant second place. Huckabee, who had some difficulty at the debate finished in third, solidifying his position as a frontrunner in the race. Oh yeah, some people in NH also voted for Thompson, Paul, and Giuliani, but not enough for me to give a damn to write about.

Now, onto the Democrats:

Two weeks ago, everything was crystal clear for the Big D’s. Hillary has the nomination, Obama and Edwards would follow close behind. Richardson is the loveable goof, but Biden and Dodd would prove to be worthy adversaries. Kucinich shang hai's some kids at the end of a rainbow with the promise of gold. Then Iowa happened. Despite being slightly behind in the polls, Obama swept Iowa out from under Hillary. Not only did Hillary not win though, she finished third, behind John Edwards. This put a spin on the entire Democratic race because the favorite to win the nomination for the past four years now has tremendous doubts following her. In addition, by their poor showings, Joe Biden, Chris Dodd, and Bill Richardson all conceded the race to these top three. Kucinich continues to prove that he is the democrats’ Ron Paul, and nobody will ever really care what he has to say. (damned leprechaun)

The New Hampshire debates proved to be more interesting. Having been narrowed down to 3 frontrunners, it was amazing that Bill Richardson even showed up. In addition between shots of his wife and Chelsea Clinton, this was not a very attractive debate to watch. Richardson remained steadfast with his position that he has the most experience with foreign nations. I, in turn, would love to know firsthand, how much of the New Mexico Governor’s recent experience is with foreign nations not named Mexico. (note: He was formerly a Bill Clinton appointed ambassador to the UN and worked on issues in the middle east…11 years ago) Hillary started off strong attacking Obama saying he changed his opinion on several issues (Pakistan and healthcare) and Edwards made himself even tougher to read on a few positions. He also might be working towards making the Democratic party the American Worker's party, because everything he says is about the middle class. Obama defended his choice for covering children in his plan for healthcare and said that some of Hillary’s workers were distorting his record. At this point it was made very clear that they had had enough of the bitch. (I’ll discuss this dynamic later on) I feel like after this, all the candidates were backed into a corner and forced to “rethink” (sic: lie and change their minds) about certain topics (the surge in Iraq being effective, Bush politics, etc) Then, in the worst debate topic forum in history, each candidate was asked questions directed towards them. Hillary was asked why America thought Obama and Edwards were more likable then her to which she responded, “oh, now that hurts my feelings” (don’t get cute in politics, you twit) Obama reiterated his disdain for her by coldly remarking that “[she’s] likeable enough.” The question that followed for Obama regarded the Republican candidates opinion of him, to which he responded that he didn’t pay too much attention to their debate because of the football game. (way to go Rockstar, but seriously that’s your competition there) The debate continued with Richardson insisting he was more experienced, Obama and Edwards began to collaborate in favor of the middle class against Hillary, and Hillary, though winning the first half the debate, was beaten down by Obama and Blinky. (seriously for those who have never seen Edwards talk on screen its so disconcerting. The guy blinks 300 times a minute and plays with his tounge in his mouth. Good guy, but creepy as fuck) In the end, Obama seemed to win because like Huckabee, even though many things he said may have been wrong or severely simplified, people wanted to hear him speak and he had a better following than any other candidate in the end. That being said he wins NH easy, right?

Wrong, and here’s why. I told you I would discuss this dynamic earlier, so now I will because it pisses me off. Hillary took her licks in the debate and in Iowa. This is quite clear. However, at the point in the debate when she gave that cutesy “hurts my feelings” remark, I knew she was up to some shit. The day before the Primary, she was seen crying on film at a coffee house in NH to a bunch of women about “how much she really cares about the country and how hard it is...” blah blah blah. Stop fucking whining. This is the same woman who voted for the war. This leads me to believe that she is a perpetual politician and full of shit. I’m not saying the others are that great, but fuck that, Hillary. Her vote for the war now tells me she just wanted to show American she would have the balls to do it if/when the time comes. That’s fine, play that dynamic. It worked for other asexual, possible men, like Margaret Thatcher. Be an “iron lady”. But no, Hillary realized she was losing favor in the polls because Obama is too dreamy and stealing the female vote with other pretty boy Edwards(where are your balls now, hilldog?) So she cries in front of a group of women. This was the most convincing argument to me that women’s tears are stronger than acid. (thank you Maureen Dowd for that gem) So basically, the primary went as follows. Hillary (39%) beats Obama (36%) who beats his soon to be named VP, Edwards (17%). The vaginal sympathy vote wins.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not sexist, I fully support any woman who wants to run for President, but at this point I feel like Hillary is weak and manipulative, and she just pisses me off. Also Bill Richardson has resigned from the race again, that big girl.

Also, stop mentioning Natalie Sarkisian. This poor girl died because they waited too long for a transplant, and Democrats, Edwards especially, have been touting this girl like a bloody flag. I understand their views for new forms of health care, but I'm sure this girl would not want to be strung along like this. Its getting to be sickening. Knock it off!

Now what this means is that the next 3 weeks up until after Super Duper Tuesday, there will be even more of a media shitstorm clogging up everything in the nation. So until my next post, let’s all just hope Bloomberg decides to run.

Cheers!