District Deliberations: Primary and Roger Dodger Edition

Whoo Boy do we have something to discuss. I mean, with all that’s been going on the past two days, Clemens in Congress, the Potomac Primaries, et al, can you believe that the Beagle won the Dog Show?! My God!

Just kidding. Ok, in real news, Roger Clemens has been testifying before Congress the past two days, and (from experience) I know the hill has been just a zoo. The best part about this whole thing is that Congress has outright said that Clemens is lying to them (perhaps in an attempt to convince him not commit any more perjury than he already has). However, Clemens is continuing to testify that he never did anything wrong. This is unbelievable because Clemens will face jail time if convicted of lying to Congress, yet he’s maintaining his story despite the mountains of evidence placed against him. It takes a certain kind of person to be that forthright, whether or not he’s innocent. Also, this has been fun to watch because I rest assured that every time Congressman Waxman tells Roger to be quiet or stop talking out of turn, Clemens gets all red in the face, probably wanting to do this to him.

A homosexual man in Columbus, Ohio is claiming that he was harassed on New Year’s Day by Cleveland Browns' Quarterback, Brady Quinn. Police were involved, but no charges were pressed. I really don’t care that this is news because I feel like it is a poor attempt by Brady to gain a public advantage on Derek Anderson, who has gained popularity for simply knowing Sara-Jean Underwood (oh and making that Pro-Bowl jammy). In addition, having been to Ohio, I know that nothing excites a Ohio resident more than a hot naked chick than some good ole’ fashion gay bashing.

As for the Potomac Primaries…WOW. After firing her Campaign Manager, HillDog expected at least some return in the three primaries held yesterday. WRONG. 08ama swept the primaries handedly, including several demographics Hillary has depended on, namely Women, Latinos, and Blue-collar workers. This is huge because Hillary is starting to run out of options. The big 4 that are left are North Carolina, Texas, Pennsylvania, and Ohio, and if Hillary can’t muster enough support there, it’s over. This is also a shock because I feel, unlike Hillary’s campaign, 08ama has a few tricks up his sleeve yet (Edwards, and maybe even Gore). On the other side of the Campaign, McCain swept the Potomac too, but it was closer than he would have liked it to have been. This is due to the support of Evangelicals and Born-Again Christians to Huckabee’s cause, but who cares. It’s not like those people are going to vote for a female or a Negro anyways, I tells ya. Ron Paul wandered into the primaries continuing to trail behind people who aren’t running anymore, which led me to believe that Keebler needs to do a better job locking up their elves.

Presidential Predictions!

If Obama wins the nomination/gets Edwards as a running mate, there is our next president. However, if HillDog manages some kind of miracle comeback, which we’ve never seen before, she’ll still get stomped in the election because ¾ of the nation hates her. Let’s be serious, the only reason she’s tied with Obama is because half the Democrats like her. If she gets the nomination, look for that other half to go the way of the independent and vote for the moderate McCain. Just for the record, its not that America isn’t ready for a woman president, Hillary just isn’t that woman.

But, on the topic of women, and the SI Swimsuit Issue release, here's cover girl Marissa Miller, the only reason I have an iPod...

Sports News Weekend Roundup

This weekend was surprisingly violent in sports, especially hockey. The Rangers and Flyers beat the hell out of each other, with the Rangers finishing on top, and more importantly, nearly killed the referee. Florida Panther, Richard Zednik, is in stable condition today after a teammate, Olli Jokinen, slit his throat with a skate. This happens approximately once every 20 years, and is always horribly addictive to watch. I have to give a ton of credit to anyone who is an EMT at both respective arenas, in that they both did a great, quick, and efficient job on these guys, and we wish them a speedy recovery. So, thank God for those EMTs.

In some other remarkable displays of sportsmanship, Real Madrid beat Valladolid 7-0. Many say this is backlash because they lost last week. I think this is unnecessary. Brian McNamee, the trainer who is linked with all the Roger Clemens controversy, has admitted injecting Roger Clemens’ wife with HGH. This proves that if McNamee wasn’t lying about “injecting Clemens”, he should have at least been asked to clarify which one.

Now I know I have been critical of Tiki this past week, but thankfully I can say I jumped the gun way too soon. For it is because of Tiki’s ranting and raving and complaining that the Giants won the Super Bowl! If it wasn't for him, they never would have had the courage and ability to overcome his scathing remarks and find themselves as the champions they are. Wow, what a selfless act of heroism, Tiki. You inspired me to call home and tell my brothers to kill themselves for being losers. Surely now they will become Olympic champions and Wall Street moguls. You truly are a king among men. Finally, in the most awesome display of poor losermanship, and crybabyosity, fans of the New England Patriots have started a petition online to Roger Goodell to review the last 1:40 of the Super Bowl, claiming that the clock was severely mismanaged. Unfortunately for these naïve peoples, the clock was not mismanaged, the Giants had 3 time outs, and more importantly, there is no filter or limit to who or what anyone can write. Check the signatures for some good old fashion Pat hating. Smoke’s Girl was asked where her signature was, but declined to comment…post.

And for no good reason…Jessica Alba! Have a good day everyone and Shout Outs to our friends in Katowice, Poland; Carvin, France; and of course Philadelphia.