Ba(ra)ck To the Future

- Okay, so I just saw this commercial for the “Short Birth Control Pill” and at the end, it said, “serious risks are associated with the pill including stroke, heart attack, diabetes….etc.” Now, in light of these risks is it really that important to have a period that lasts for one or two less days? I’m not a woman so (I guess) I wouldn’t really know, but honestly is death worth a shorter period when there are other pills on the market? I’m not sure, but I think I need to drink a beer. At least, it’ll probably make this pill look better.
- Juicy Fruit is a tasty gum.
- Pleasantly plump is definitely a better way of saying Reginald VelJohnson.
- I feel bad for the non-Matthew Perry writers in Studio 60.
- Recent developments in the Human Genome Project have changed my tune regarding evolution. I used to think that we were like 90 percent monkey, but now I know that I am 98.77 percent chimpanzee. It’s important to me that everyone knows this.
- My advice to you: Watch The Departed. Actually, that’s not really advice. If you don’t watch it soon, I will fight you.
- The Killers album is fantastic on one or two levels.
- Do Trekkies like the original Star Trek or Star Trek: The Next Generation more? I bet they like the original more and that’s why I could never be a Trekkie.
- It’s really weird, but I don’t think anyone in San Francisco even cares about the A’s
- Would there be any better fake, random killer to have after you than Jason. I mean, if he was chasing you would you ever jump in a car. He never goes any faster than a brisk walk. So, why would you ever jump in a car that is (obviously) not going to start?
- Kelly Kapowski or Valerie Malone? I don’t know if this is a question that can even be answered….and if you don’t know who those people are then you need to watch more shitty television.
- Does anyone ever believe that Jimmy Carter “I lusted in my heart thing?”
- A book to read: Infinite Jest, It’s really long and (I suppose) sprawling.
- Is Harvey Danger overrated or underrated(??) because I feel like it’s either one or the other.
- The key to winning drunken Monopoly is flipping over the board.
- It’s been said before, but Halloween is the perfect holiday. I mean, it’s got something for everyone. Little kids are happy because they get to subsist (solely) on candy for the next three weeks—or until all that’s left is candy corn (I hate candy corn) whichever comes first. Adults are ecstatic because they are expected to get drunk with no qualms whatsoever. It’s sort of the Halloween aesthetic really. Think about it; at Christmas adults get drunk, but you know they’re (sort of) thinking it’s wrong because they’re supposed to be concentrating on Jesus’ birth. Halloween doesn’t have that problem—probably because it’s a pagan holiday. O yeah, and I love it because it allows me the opportunity to do what I do four times a week anyway.
- I miss Mitch Hedberg
- A Pulitzer Prize winning book I read this week that others should probably read, but, you know, whatever: Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole- The new Black Keys album is stellar as is the new My Chemical Romance record. The new album by JET—Shine On—is kitschy.
- Again, listen to the Silversun Pickups and love them or I will fight you.
- Chuck Norris has a weekly column….I’m not going to link to it, but honestly I feel like people need to know this. Sadly, he has squashed the rumor that his tears cure cancer....And just like that, my faith in humanity is destroyed.
- I’ve often said that my reasoning for eating beef is that, “If a cow could, he would eat me, so I feel no remorse.” However, I’m not sure if this is entirely true. But I do know one thing, I will never stop eating chicken. Given the chance, those fuckers would eat me in a second.
- 1. Natalie Portman. 2. Scarlett Johansson. 3. Keira Knightley. Am I wrong?- Reasoning behind the rankings: 1. I guess the other two might actually be (objectively) better looking, but they seem a bit out of reach, you know. Natalie Portman seems like the absolute best looking—not to mention coolest—girl any man could ever hope to see in front of himself at the supermarket or wherever. She exists at the absolute edge of attainability (even though she isn’t). 2. Scarlett Johansson is gorgeous like Jayne Mansfield or Marilyn Monroe was. She’s curvy and all that jazz (even though this is only compared to other people in Hollywood) but she seems like a person that doesn’t really exist. I mean, I know she does exist, but you could never be in the same room as her, it would be impossible. Somehow, if you ever ended up in the same room, the fabric that holds existence together would implode and time would cease to exist. 3. Keira Knightley is very gorgeous.
- Where did the term “grassroots movement” come from?
- I heard this exact wordage in conversation before I got drunk last night; “I mean, its like President Bush is just so dumb and bumbling that we really have no chance in Iraq….(One minute later)….Obviously, the gas prices are dropping because Bush is trying to buy votes.” All right, now I’m pretty liberal—compared to everywhere except the city I live in—but this confuses me. How do the people in San Francisco live with logical inconsistencies such as this? So President Bush is too stupid to do anything and he has bumbled his way through his presidency, and he can’t even control something he has control over (our military presence in Iraq), but he’s got enough acumen to somehow affect an organization he has no control over (OPEC). I’m confused.
-Maybe this is me being xenophobic, but French People suck, and I'm out