Richmond, VA, C.S.A.

MONA lives in the capital of the Confederate States of America, Richmond, VA. Visiting her this weekend, I wanted to investigate a few questions about this very odd nation, the Confederate States of America. Here are a few questions I inquired about that I still have no definite answer to:
1) Will the South rise Again?
2) Where is Hazzard County?
3) What the FUCK does 'American by birth, Southern by the Grace of God" even mean?
4) Jefferson Davis, what the fuck?
5) Why is Waffle House so good?
6) The accent...what is up with the accent?

I spent 3 days in the Capital of the Confederacy. This was definitely not enough time to answer these questions and I will continue in the quest for answers. However, I did begin to write down notes from what I gathered in these few days and here they are:

1) The White House of the Confederacy is fucking Gray. Not only is this stupid, but it just shows that the C.S.A. is a rip-off of the U.S.A.

2) Robert E. Lee was the greatest general EVER! He will fix Iraq, defeat Iran and peacefully unite Korea in 4 days.

3) Jefferson Davis sucked.

4) In 1865, after the fall of Richmond, President Lincoln went to the "White House of the Confederacy" and put his feet all over Jefferson Davis' former desk. This was a precursor to Rick James putting his feet all over Eddie Murphy's couch (Chappelle fans, please laugh at this).

5) A lady asked in the tour of the Confederate White House if a couple of original statues were African Art?
Why the FUCK would the Confederacy have African Art in their fucking White/Gray House?!?! They have fucking slaves, you dumb bitch!

6) Same lady then asks tour guide if the White/Gray House has spirits?
Yes lady, in the basement, lie an army of 300,000 Confederate Spirits ready to invade the North at a moment's notice.

7) The confederacy has 3 different national flags and one battle flag. The one we usually see is the battle flag. The other 3 have a very stupid story.
1. The first flag (The stars and bars), looked so much like the US flag. This caused confusion in battle because they are FUCKING STUPID.
2. The second flag was the battle flag on a corner while the rest was white. This also caused confusion because it looked like a surrender flag.
3. The third one is the same as the second one with a red stripe, so it wouldn't look like a surrender flag. Red Stripe. Hooray Beer!

8) It took 5o minutes to get 15 chicken wings while it took around 9 minutes for everybody else. They must have known I was a Yankee.

9) I loved the way Mona's friends said "New York City"

Like I said before, this does not answer any of my questions. However, if I had to put money on it, I think the SOUTH will NOT rise again.