Check my Wallet....which one's your wallet....The one that says bad ass motherfucker on it.

From: Chiggy
To: Spunk Faces

Deuce, Sen., Prolific,

I am starting another "curious guy" (copyrights with Simmons) because three main topics have peaked my interest. Monta (Combo guards), the girl rule (a new rule in a long line of chigozism) and Adderall (Educational Steroids?). Why didn't I just post on all three topics in the normal format? I think I kind of like this "curious guy" format in which my takes are discussed and balance is shown to my opinions, plus I love the immediate feedback, so without further adieu.

Monta: Simmons is ridiculous. Jron is just insane. Hibachi is just silly. Surf and Turf? While I acknowledge Monta is the greatest waiver wire pick up ever (First round bye here I come woot woot!) he is not the next Wade. Not even close. How is he any different from any other undersized two guards who is primarily a scorer? Isn't this what OJ Mayo is getting killed for? Mayo, Monta, Gordon, D. Harris, Leandr o Barbosa, Jamal Crawford, Gilbert (aka Hibachi) what do any of these "gunners" have in common? My take they are not franchise guys. Sure every team would love to have one of these guys preferably as a spark of the bench but would you seriously want to build around any one of them? People seem to their (potential) offensive unstopability will lead to anything more than an early round exit. How many of these types of players have lead a team to a championship? None in our lifetime. If any of you guys have any thoughts I would love to hear them.

Girl Rule, the basis premise of this rule is everything someone does can look much cooler if you have a girl with you participating and or watching you do it. How did I come up with this rule? Heading to the LA club scene I noticed how many guys went there without girls. All of these guys seemed like scrubs standing on the edge of the dance floor holding their beers waist high and wistfully waiting for a female to talk to them. Then it struck me, the reason these guys look like tools is because they don't have girls with them! If they were doing exactly the same thing but had a girl next to them it would appear that they were "chilling" same thing for the dance floor, or the bar, alone you look like a tool but when you are with a girl (s) you look like you are either in a intimate situation or the life of the party. What are you guys thoughts on this and why it has this perception. Also what does this tell you about our society and the human race in general?

Adderall, my initial thoughts are pretty simple, academic steroids? I don't think people know enough about the health effects to really differentiate between the long term effects of the two drugs but what are your initial opinions? Many more thoughts but this is a G rated site.

Awaiting my belt! with kisses,

Chiggy

From: Double Deuce
To: Gingers

Hey Chig Music,

Back by unpopular demand, it's time to get some self-exploration on.So, you want to know what's so great about Monta Ellis, why Adderallis awesome and what causes uncool actions to suddenly become cool.

Well, she-it negroooooooooooooo that's all you had to say.

I'll start where I'm most comfortable; basketball.

You write, "How is he any different from any other undersized two guards who is primarily a scorer? Isn't this what OJ Mayo is getting killed for? Mayo, Monta, Gordon, D. Harris, Leandro Barbosa, Jamal Crawford, Gilbert (aka Hibachi) what do any of these "gunners" have incommon?" Now, I seriously cannot believe you are lumping O.J. Mayo in the samecategory as a guy like Monta Ellis. Ellis has proven himself a verycapable scorer in the best basketball league in the world, while Mayo is periodically getting shut down by college players. But that aside,you are absolutely correct, a team will never win a championship with Monta Ellis as their centerpiece, but as an important cog off the bench, he could absolutely be an integral piece for a championship team. The guy is locked up to 770k for the next two years and can carry the scoring loads for games at a time. To wit, his scoring andshooting numbers have been almost unfathomable over the last 15 games. How can you compare O.J. Mayo and Monta in light of this? It's unconscionable.

Second, I really don't think that Gilbert Arenas can be on this list.While I agree that he will not win a championship with how his team is currently constructed, He is a step above every other player on thislist. He's more like Dominique Wilkins—great scorer, who will neverwin a championship— than he is like the other players on your list,and what's wrong with that? I mean, Wilkins was the human highlightreel, and Arenas is the human bloglight reel. More importantly, theycan carry teams to 50+ wins whereas no one else on that list is carrying anyone to a .500 season if they've got to be their team's beast of burden.

Third, before I rate the characters, I need to add in a caveat. I don't, honestly, know how good Monta would be in any other system. Nellie Ball is perfect for his frenetic pace and his need to get alarge volume of shots. Nellie lets him over-dribble and hoistridiculous shots, and it keeps him happy enough to keep passing the pill at other times. How a team that fast doesn't average over 20 assists a game is beyond me.

Anyways, how would you rate these characters? I'm throwing out the Hibachi because he's in a different league than the others. So now I've got Ellis, Barbosa, Harris, Crawford, Mayo and Gordon. Interestingly, if you would have asked me this question last year I would have put Barbosa in front of Ellis, but his lost confidence is vexing this year. How do you forget how to make 3's, especially ifyour name isn't Nick Anderson? Also, I feel like this list is cut into three pretty obvious tiers. We're looking at the Top three inthe first tier, Crawford sitting by himself because he's a proven bit above average commodity, and then the other two languishing in the back.

I'm going to take on the Adderall question next because I'm not quite ready to take on a question about the cool power of double X chromosomes. Adderall is obviously an enhancer. I mean, the only other way I'm going to stay up and study for 48 straight hours is withan eight ball of coke or 37 Red Bulls and 25 cups of coffee. And the crazy thing is that I'm not sure which one of these three options is the worst for me. But the equation of studying to drugs looks something like this:
4 Adderall= 24 straight hours studying Econometrics
12 Red Bull+12 cups of coffee=24 straight hours studying Econometrics
1 Eight ball of coke=18 minutes of studying Econometrics & 23 hours42 minutes of looking for more coke.

So, I guess it's better than the cocaine, but a toss up with theliquid caffeine. Now, the problem, as with all drugs, is where todraw the line. Malcolm Gladwell has a great piece in the New Yorker about coffee and increased brain functioning. Is this a form of enhancement? You betcha it is. So, what makes it allowable? A lot of people take vitamins to supplement a shoddy diet. What makes this okay? Where is the line? I guess, the point is that all of this drug testing is arbitrary. It isn't okay in sports because sports are ontelevision and we like the picture of the savant. We'd rather someonebe talented than work hard. We, as humans, are beholden to the myththat talent is somehow nobler than constantly refining skills through hard work. Anyways, I'm going to get off my soap box here. We don't care about Adderall because it just doesn't cross our minds that the only way to get an A is to take drugs. We just assume the person worked his ass off throughout the quarter or semester or whatever. Finally, college kids aren't constantly on television, in general, whichmeans there is much less scrutiny on their day to day lives. I have no doubt that if, all of a sudden, econometrics became an Olympicsport, they would test the shit out of our systems for Adderall.

Next, onto the girl conundrum. I don't know. This question seems to have a fairly obvious answer. Maybe, you want more nuance,but I mean, there really isn't that much. The way I look at it, pretty girls are basically a finite resource and guys don't have a lot of variation from person to person, except at the very top and very bottom. So, when we see a guy by himself we think, "That guy's a douche, ha ha ha," but when we see him with a girl and he's not substantially better looking we are forced to think, "Man, He had to do something to get with that girl. Either he's super cool or he's got a humongous penis. Or she's just really dumb." Now, the first two are unlikely and the third is actually very likely, but it doesn'tmatter because the first two could potentially be true. That potentiality breeds contempt and grudging respect so the guy automatically seems cooler no matter what he's doing on the dancefloor. Then again, I think clubs generally suck. What are you doinggoing to them anyways?

Finally finally, speaking to the human condition, it seems to me that people seem cooler as long as they've got anyone else around them.This is why guys go out to places with their buddies and girls tag along with other girlfriends. To this end, you might say, "I roll with my homeslices so I've got a posse." Well, why wouldn't someone pick a fight with you? It's not because you're tough, but because you seem like the type of person others would stick their neck out for. Inherently, you seem cool. People don't fight with cool people. So, really the top level of cool is obviously a girl on the arm, but a group is still a rung up from the last group which is headed by Amare Stoudemire looking for someone who recognizes him at a club while Chiggy looks on in delight wondering if he could beat him in a fight.

All right, big game tonight. Warriors or Suns?

Do you think Nash makes the hall of fame? This is really a question of would you rather burn brightly for a five year stretch or be asteady above average player.

What's the grossest thing you can think of? This is mine. Yesterday, I had to use a public bathroom—which totally sucks. There was only one stall so I had to wait as some other guy dropped his deuce. Finally he's done, and out walks a fucking bum. I mean, can you think of anything grosser than having to drop a deuce on the same toilet as a fucking transient. I washed my ass fifty times yesterday and took some antibiotics, and this is all after putting like 500 of those paper toilet ring things on the toilet rim. Absolutely disgusting.

Catch you on the flip side,

Double Deuce


From: Senator Mary Ann
To: I didn't get to make this up

ok boys, I'll start from the bottom up.

The grossest thing ever... is ginger kids. Fuck those freckled little bastards...

I think Nash definitely makes the hall of fame. The guy has reinvented the assist. He's a John Stockton for our generation. He's too good not to make it. Even if he burns out, he'll still have put himself on a pedestal that all other players in this day are compared to. When you think "assist" nowadays, he's the first name you think of. The dude can shoot, he's a leader, and he's a stand up character for the NBA. I like him in the HOF

I agree with Austin for the most part on his take on the Girl with a Dude makes him look cooler theory. However, I would like to add certain exceptions to the rule. There will always be a case where a guy is just so doofy, that it will always look like charity. He could be the smoothest operator underneath, but if the dope is goofy on the outside, its over. I mean I'll acknowledge if a dude has a good looking girl with him, but sometimes its just laughable. I'll note my brother Danny as a perfect example. He's a great kid, don't get me wrong, but if i saw him talking to a SI Swimsuit caliber girl, I wouldn't know what to do other than laugh (and go hit on her myself). Also, there are a number of individuals at a certain level of douche, that no matter how hot the chick, the dude will always be a douche. Case and point...Mark Zoller. The dude pulled a fair amount of ass. But no matter the caliber of the chick with him at the bar, he was/is always going to be a douche/tool/undeserved egomaniac. I forgot my point, but fuck Mark Zoller. Oh yeah, anyways, the caliber of the girl can also decide the level of how much cooler a certain activity can be. If youre at the beach with a good looking girl...Props... If she's not so good looking...Whats wrong with that guy? Is he hunting that wildebeast? you get my point. As we're leaving this only to situations at a bar/club, i'll end my piece on this.

Adderall as an academic steroid is the best analogy for the substance I've ever heard, especially in pertaining to our conversations. It is a controlled substance (much like roids in that they are sometimes legal) that when abused can give you an edge in the 'test' you are competing for. However, they are different in that adderall doesn't function much differently than excessive caffeine. And its weird in the way it functions too because it is a stimulant that calms hyperactive people with ADD down. Steroids are a stimulant for people who are slow in some form, thats why it works so much more effiectively on people that are normal. I might just be talking out of my ass, but from what i've heard, adderall doesn't do that much for normal people, it functions more like a placebo unless you're seriously ODing on the shit, whereas steroids will exhibit a noticeable physical difference in a short time of using, at least this is what i've seen/heard, but again, i'm no expert. However, there are several individuals that had that XU adderall when i was a sophmore. That was to be taken once a day because it lasted 24 hours. The people who took that usually ended up doing worse because the were so goddamned wired. Idk, thats my take.

As for bball and competition in general, I'm really at a loss. I think the shooting guard position is one that is either being redefined by the Lebrons and Agent Zeros out there, but there is wasteland after them. Even so, it has been a long time since an MJ really led their team to a championship (except maybe tony parker when MANU is on the court, but even then...) Thats something that i think Chiggy needs to define with his step theory (or plateau because the levels are vaguer). Usually I see the emergence of players like Monta as something as a omen of bad things to come. I'll cite when the knicks brought in Moochie Norris. He was an awesome SG that could actually play well with Starbury, but even then, his arrival kinda signaled the downfall of a franchise that competed well for a while there. Still, Wilkins won shit. Arenas won't win anything. Crawford is headed that way. And if this is the shape of things to come, OJ Mayo should stay at USC for 3 more years. I still see Ben Gordon winning something somewhere. He's like a John Salley character though. Grind it out on the heat. Retire, then come back on the Lakers and get a ring... I kinda see that happening to him.

My question would involve hockey or soccer or football, but I'm the only one that gives a shit right now anyways, so i'll hold my thoughts for an independent post. Fucking Jets look so different. All they need is an Estrada for that Right side. Branden Moore blows.

Thoughts?