Corporate America II

If you missed the first installment of Corporate America you can find it here

Ernie had been working at B&B for a little while now. The work world was completely different than the educational confines that he had spent his whole life in. The social and expectation landscape was completely different than anything he ever experienced.

Sitting at his desk on another Monday morning Ernie was worn out from a weekend full of unsatisfying slaying. It was hard work to live up to his college nickname and being forced to slay every weekend for his friends in relationships who vicariously slayed through him. This weekend he had met up with a Puerto Rican stripper that he had met in a club……..

It was the first hour of the day, and Ernie figured that he would ease into the day, check out out the Wall Street Journal, Sherdog and Espn before he started his assignments for the week.

“Hello!” said Chris

“Damn”, Ernie thought.

Chris: “How was your weekend,” “Mine was great, I had a Kung Fu competition and I totally would have won but then I pulled a muscle in my lower back. The other black belts in Newark were lucky this week but they won’t be so lucky next time!”

Ernie: “It was alright, I just hung out”

Chris: “Jess, Jess, tell Ernie about how we almost hung out this weekend, but then your dog suddenly got sick we were totally going to do something super sweet!

Jess: “Uh yea, it totally would have”

Mark: “Hey Jess, too bad your dog got sick, I would have loved to hang out with you too. I was too busy Skydiving, you know I am certified instructor and if you ever want to go out, I’ll protect you.”

Jess: “Yeah, I guess so”

Mark was the deuche who was constantly trying to hit on Jess in the office even though it was apparent she wasn’t interested. Mark was slightly above average in a lot of things and therefore thought he was great. He would always try to one up Ernie even though he pretended to be his friend. Even more annoying Ernie actually liked Jess and wanted to settle down with her even though he would never admit his feelings to her out loud.

Why are all these people talking around my desk, Ernie thought. “I mean I am not really working but they don’t know that, I don’t really understand why people think its alright to huddle around my cube and start long winded conversations.

Oh to be Monday at B&B, this is going to be another long week.

Corporate America

Sitting in the lobby at his first day at Brown & Brown (B&B), Ernesto Mori (“The man himself”) had no idea on what to expect as a Financial Analyst. He had not met any of the other employees and was nervously wondering if he would make a good impression. (This was not logical as Ernie equals good impression). Ernie wasn’t nervous that his coworkers wouldn’t like him; instead he was nervous that they wouldn’t have a sense of humor. Mr. Mori was known to be extremely mischievous and had pulled a prank or two during his days in college.

All of the sudden another coworker walked in. His name was Chris. Chris was a goofy looking guy, taller, slightly overweight with glasses. His hair was in a bowl cut and he looked like his parents had dressed him for work.

Chris: “Are you Ernie?”

Ernie: “Yup! Who dressed you? A blind Telatubby?”

Chris: “Ernie, please respect my authority I am the Senior analyst here”

Ernie: “I thought you were just an analyst”

Chris: “I came before you and therefore I am Senior”

Ernie quickly realized he could have fun with this Chris guy. While Chris was introducing him to all of the other employees in the company, a girl caught his eye.

Jess, the administrative assistant to his office manager. Jess was hot. Physically she was right down Ernie’s strike range, 5’6’’, blond, vivacious and bubbly. Perfect eye candy for getting through the day in Corporate America. Ernie made a mental note to figure out if she was available.