Football Soap Opera Digest Weekly; I Hate That There Is No Football This Weekend (senior bowl doesn't count...fuck colt brennan)

Ok so amid the nonstop stories about how crazy Britney Spears is and how Amy Winehouse finally went to rehab, recent tabloid reports have infiltrated ESPN even (God, say it ain’t so?!) to discuss the Tony Romo and Yoko Romo, sorry, Jessica Simpson relationship scandal. I’m paraphrasing ESPN last night on Sportscenter when they say they have obtained information (from OK! Magazine no less, a fine reputable periodical!) that Tony Romo tried to dump Daisy Duke last week. However, Jessica either did not follow the basic concepts he was trying to relay to her, or just refused to be dumped by this gummy smiled jackass. So in order to try and drive her away, Tony decided to take her on a hunting trip, to make her feel awkward and unwanted. This failed miserably, like his playoff record, and she and he are still dating…sort of. Basically there has been no resolution to the issue and Jessica is just pissed off that people could report that: A) she’d been dumped (by Tony Romo, no less) and B) people would print such things. Now, this all being said, I could care less what happens to the couple. I retain the last lingering amount of respect for Tony Romo only because he had the audacity to "hit it and quit it" with good ole’ Chicken of the Sea herself, but he can’t even do that right, so fuck him.

Moving on from one pretty boy QB to another…

Tom Brady was seen wearing a boot on his right foot this week, causing a media clusterfuck to report that he might not play, he’s more hurt than Belicheat is letting on, and other ridiculous nonsense not pertaining to anything really valuable. These reports were then nullified by interviews with Brady and his father with the two stating that virtually nothing could keep him from the game and that the boot was merely precautionary. Moreover he was seen later that night sans walking cast. However, today’s news reports that Brady has been absent from any media coverage at practice. This could mean something awful! Maybe he really is hurt! Maybe Belichick is hiding something! Or (and this is directed to any asshole believes anything in the past 3 sentences could actually be true) maybe the Patriots are all just full of shit. Tom Brady has been “Probable” or "Questionable" for the last 55 games, and he’s played in every last one. I wouldn’t be surprised if the boot and this entire media storm is just to fuck with the Giants' planning (though I don’t see how). Anyways, I don’t really care about Tom Brady. I think it will take more than him to win the Super Bowl, especially with the way he played last week.

That being said, I hate that football has been tainted by this tabloid nonsense. On the plus side though, I do not apologize for getting to use the gratuitous pictures of Jessica Simpson.

calling my shot. finally.

so Chiggy called me out, so I guess I finally have to post. I'll take this time to call my far fetched a la Oregon's O-line shot:

When Eli and Big Blue win next week and destroy The Hoodie's reason to live, I'll name my first born son Elijah Manning.

Giants by a fg over New England...and a little baby Elijah Manning Almeida.

Football is Awesome because I hate French People

Empirically, football is the most popular sport in America. There is no other professional athletic endeavor that comes close to creating such fervor among American sports fans. Football brings Americans together; it creates commonality and solidarity among people that have nothing else in common. It’s a beautiful thing really. What I’m wondering is, why?

I mean, sure it’s great that we’ve got some modern day gladiators beating the shit out of eachother in some modern-day Coliseum. Is the real reason we love football simply an extension of the id within American males? Can it really be true that we’ve not come any further than the Romans? Actually, that could be true, but I don’t think it’s the whole truth.

The real reason Americans love football is xenophobia. Football is the only sport still solely dominated by Americans. For every Christian Okoye there are 1,000 Dominican baseball players making it to the big leagues or humongous German shooters playing in the NBA. Football is the last bastion of American preponderance of power. The thing is, I’m not saying that this is some conscious anti-immigrant feeling that pervades American fandom. It’s just that, like always, we favor Americans, and in this day and age in a world system where we don’t really have any enemies who will show their faces, we juxtapose our old feelings of jingoistic fervor onto the closest approximation we have; sports, and by sports I mean football. Fuck. And. Yes.

fucking Heath

so fucking Heath Ledger died...

that sucks, but at least he is done with Batman. Poor dude.

Anyways, is it gay to kinda be curious to watch Brokeback Mountain now just to see what the fucking big deal with it was?

January Thoughts

I am really pleased with the start of our Trip recap, Prolific has successfully recapped day 1 (out of 10)

Joey has been on fire, his work so far has been nothing short of a Herculean Effort.

LGTS has hit 37 states and 28 countries, continue to spread the word.

The Smokes Girl has called her shot, she will have an article up soon (apparently she’s going to talk about “That girl”)

I have not been very blogductive; this should change in the upcoming weeks.

You Know That Guy (why i suck)

You know that guy.....
this is the type of guy that invites two of his friends to his house in Miami, FL in order to do a road trip through the C.S.A., into DC, past the Mason-Dixon into the City of Brotherly Love and finally reaching Gotham.
this is the type of guy that decides it would be a good idea to live the dream.
this is the type of guy that wanders the streets of Philadelphia.
this is the guy that promises a blog post and delivers it 3 weeks later.
this is the guy that sucks it up at Law School, all day, every day.
you know that guy.

As Chiggy wrote earlier, we embarked on the Trip. On this Trip, we met some other guys....yea, those guys that you know. There were even some gals too. Since I am in Constitutional Law Class, I will give a quick run down of quotes and actions of those guys (Miami Edition)...that we all know.

Fake Angry Guy (F.A.G.)
You know that guy.
this is the guy that considers himself rugged yet wears that witty t-shirt that his mom bought him at "Hot Topic" for his last birthday because she heard that the t-shirt is what F.A.G.s like her son wear
this is the guy that plays beer pong (Beirut) at Barracuda's in Coconut Grove, Flawdah on the weekends. However, he does not realize he is perhaps the worst BP player to have two balls in his hands (ping pong balls)
this is the guy that when he misses a shot at BP, angrily screams FUCK, and punches the wall at a bar upset. This occurs every time he misses, which is every time he tries
this is the guy that 3 nano-seconds after the above act, shares laughter with his opponents and maybe even shares a "moment" with them. He follows this up by trying to flirt with average girls around him by pointing to his witty shirt.
this is the guy that enters a verbal altercation to the old dude at the bar and then, he gives him the finger when he sees him walking outside. because he is such a badass and he is a F.A.G.
You know this guy....

Real Angry Guy (R.A.G.)
you know that guy
this is the guy that is fat yet wears a wife beater to the bar, transforming the wife beater to a bra
this is the guy that is all tatteed up, yet none of his tattoos make sense
this is the guy that his friends abandon by going to another part of the bar
this is the guy that screams in random people's ear when the ping pong ball hits the ground
this is the guy that speaks in a neolithic dialect which resembles a pre-civilized version of Quechua, the Incan language
this is the guy that when I am setting up my BP game, starts chugging from my pitcher, causing a possible confrontation
this is the guy that gets angry when i take my own pitcher back
this is the guy that became my best friend when i offered him a cup of beer
this is the guy that said he would unconditionally have my back for the rest of my life because of this beer
you know this guy....

So much for a FLILF

I know many of you out there are as disappointed as I, but alas, Fred Thompson has resigned from the 2008 Presidential race. This is a sad day because now the hottest potential First Lady is either Cindy McCain who looks as plastic as they come (more like someone poorly photoshopped her entire body next to John out of misplaced celebrity parts) and Bubba seen here being fellated by a dog. It makes sense that the candidate with the less desirable spouse will probably do a better job though, as they will be more likely to focus on their job or more focused on gettin’ down while maintaining a level of professionalism (JFK, Bubba, George Sr, and Thomas Jefferson). I mean our best presidents had ugly wives (FDR, George Washington, Lincoln), and with this in mind, maybe we should look to the Bill Richardsons, Mike Huckabees, and Rudy Giulianis. Judith Giuliani looks like she is a beaten sack of ugly. I’m sure Rudy would do great!

Just kidding…

UPDATE:: I know Obama's wife is pretty hot, but I'm not sure whether or not that means anything just yet...

I Have A Dreamsicle

I have a dreamsicle....

I have a dreamsicle that one day my four small children will all eat wheels of cheese and then poo in the fridge. I won't even be mad because it will be amazing....I have a dreamsicle.

I Have A Dreamsicle

I have a dreamsicle....

that one day my four small fat children will live in world where childhood obesity is laughed at and thought of as cute instead of a potential health hazard....I have a dreamsicle.