District Deliberations: I'm Slacking...I Know

I’m Slacking!!!!!

Ok so plenty to catch up on, and most likely I’m out of date, but here’s what I thought was important this week:

1. Tina Fey on SNL- bitches do the best work. Sorry Tina. I like your show, but fuck that, and hilldog btw. This woman is a bitch, but it doesn't does not mean that she’s going to run the country well. In addition, everyone has said that Bill will have too much influence on the White House. Though speculated not to be such a bad thing, because 2 smart people working together can’t be worse than one, you’re wrong. Bill has been a detriment to Hillary’s campaign, and the guy will not help out in the White House. The major issue is the war. Bill demilitarized this country. Hilldog voted for the war. Think that’ll make for some nice pillow talk? Stick to comedy Tina, because your Hillary endorsement was a fucking joke.
2. Beat up on Obama – That’s about enough. I’m not endorsing Obama, but the guy has done nothing wrong and he’s taking shit from everyone. Some douche kept referring to his middle name “Hussein” and tried to make the comparison to Sadaam. Hillary’s been calling him out in every way she can. The Conservative media has criticized him for being endorsed by Farrakhan. The other media thinks nobody wants to hurt his feelings and is tossing him softballs. Fuck that. Obama is doing everything right. He is winning support because of his character, i.e. not mudslinging. Sorry Hillary, but finding this, isn’t going to hurt Barack. He was showing respect for a different culture, something you wouldn’t know anything about. You can't fault him for being supported by unsavory people. Numerous politicians have been endorsed by creeps. Also, you have a mullet Hilldog. Pack it in, yer done.
3. John McCain- Way to hold the fort dude. He condemned some dude for mocking Barack and took whatever heat he got with character and fortitude. Way to be Johnny Mac.
4. I had a cigar and a drink with the Governator the other night. Rarely am I starstruck, but Arnold is the man. Dude is still huge, he can hold a crowd and smoke a huge stogie, all without speaking a word of intelligible English. Truly the best Democratic governor in the nation. (that's a joke)
   
5. NHL news- Trade deadline was ridiculous this week. Mike Richards went to Dallas. Marian Hossa went to the already deep Penguins. The Caps got Fedorov. And the Rangers did jack shit. Truly this trade deadline made for the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer in the NHL. Look for some fireworks for the end of the year.
6. Soccer is relevant! Tottenham Hotspur won the Carling Cup (English League Cup) to win the first trophy for the year. Arsenal striker Eduardo Da Silva may never be the same again (caution: video is gruesome). Internazionale tied Roma today, essentially guaranteeing them the Scudetto (Italian league) this year. All of this is so much more exciting than pitchers and catchers reporting, but still the Mets got Johan Santana.
7. I started a new job this week. I’ll be blogging but at a far lesser pace than the past month. I got some good stories in the works too. Getcha popcorn ready.

Finally, remember the good old days?

Sports News Weekend Roundup

This weekend was surprisingly violent in sports, especially hockey. The Rangers and Flyers beat the hell out of each other, with the Rangers finishing on top, and more importantly, nearly killed the referee. Florida Panther, Richard Zednik, is in stable condition today after a teammate, Olli Jokinen, slit his throat with a skate. This happens approximately once every 20 years, and is always horribly addictive to watch. I have to give a ton of credit to anyone who is an EMT at both respective arenas, in that they both did a great, quick, and efficient job on these guys, and we wish them a speedy recovery. So, thank God for those EMTs.

In some other remarkable displays of sportsmanship, Real Madrid beat Valladolid 7-0. Many say this is backlash because they lost last week. I think this is unnecessary. Brian McNamee, the trainer who is linked with all the Roger Clemens controversy, has admitted injecting Roger Clemens’ wife with HGH. This proves that if McNamee wasn’t lying about “injecting Clemens”, he should have at least been asked to clarify which one.

Now I know I have been critical of Tiki this past week, but thankfully I can say I jumped the gun way too soon. For it is because of Tiki’s ranting and raving and complaining that the Giants won the Super Bowl! If it wasn't for him, they never would have had the courage and ability to overcome his scathing remarks and find themselves as the champions they are. Wow, what a selfless act of heroism, Tiki. You inspired me to call home and tell my brothers to kill themselves for being losers. Surely now they will become Olympic champions and Wall Street moguls. You truly are a king among men. Finally, in the most awesome display of poor losermanship, and crybabyosity, fans of the New England Patriots have started a petition online to Roger Goodell to review the last 1:40 of the Super Bowl, claiming that the clock was severely mismanaged. Unfortunately for these naïve peoples, the clock was not mismanaged, the Giants had 3 time outs, and more importantly, there is no filter or limit to who or what anyone can write. Check the signatures for some good old fashion Pat hating. Smoke’s Girl was asked where her signature was, but declined to comment…post.

And for no good reason…Jessica Alba! Have a good day everyone and Shout Outs to our friends in Katowice, Poland; Carvin, France; and of course Philadelphia.

Hockey: Why is it not a major sport in America anymore?

Hockey is not just for Canadians and other assorted Eastern/Former Soviet Bloc Europeans. That being said, I want to discuss several things that perplex me, especially with the new NHL.

Since the strike, the NHL, led by Gary Bettman, has actively tried to market the sport better. While I feel like Bettman has failed in certain regards (4on4 OT, not eliminating touch icing, less fighting, the RBK EDGE jersey system) many of the positives in the league right now are a result of his policies. The following is a list of positives and hopes for the NHL:

There is less parity in the league. Dynasties that could outspend smaller franchises in the 90’s have been eliminated. So this means that while teams like Detroit, Colorado, and the Rangers could all outspend smaller market teams like Winnipeg-Phoenix, Florida and St. Louis and usually crush them in the standings, the new salary cap now limits such egregious spending, meaning teams can only have so many high market players. (note: spending a lot of money had no effect on the Rangers' record in the late 90’s as they were awful). With the new league set up, while players might be underpaid in some respects, it creates an atmosphere that the NFL has patented in that on any given day, any team can beat any other team. This makes the sport more competitive and more interesting to follow. (note: Although again frustrating for NY Ranger fans as they have gone from the cellar to first and back again…seriously guys, get it together c'mon)

There is a youth movement in this league that hasn’t been seen in close to thirty years. Players like Dion Phaneuf, Niklas Backstrom and Patrick Kane are great, but mere footprints to the legacy that Alexander Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin, and Sid “the kid” Crosby are already creating. Between Ovechkin, Malkin, and Crosby, there are already a number of postseason awards and more are definitely to come. They not only represent a new generation of hockey, but a new previously unseen talent level. Many are sure to have seen Ovechkin scoring from his back, or Crosby juggling the puck at this year’s Winter Classic. These are just a few examples of the great talent that this generation of hockey players exudes.

The advertising team at the NHL, I think, is doing a great job to make the NHL more marketable to younger people and niche crowds. A sold out stadium in Buffalo paid to see the Penguins play the Sabres an outdoor game. This was a great thing for hockey because many kids still get their start in the game outdoors on ponds and on outdoor uncovered rinks. Holding events like this gives the sport a pastime feel, and it portrays hockey as a vintage sport, that isn’t outdated and still has a following.

I think this sport should be getting more press in the states too because a lot of the young talent in the sport is…AMERICAN. The past two years, the top pick in the NHL draft has been an American player. While the US team struggled in the past Olympics, look forward to the next team being a new generation of American hockey, and a team that will possibly bring us gold in the next Winter games. In 2-3 years, I am hoping that America will readopt hockey as a member of the big4 in sports because of the resurgence of American talent. It will take a little while for these newly drafted players to really have an impact on their respective teams, however, and this could be a reason for the delay in populatirty.

Hockey players can be as marketable as other professional athletes; it’s just a matter of the cities in which they play viewing hockey as more than just a niche. Players like Jaromir Jagr, Henrik Lundqvist and Sean Avery have become familiar faces in NY. I think it is a mixed blessing too that hockey players are starting to infiltrate Hollywood. Mike Modano is married to Willa Ford (this chick that beat up now gay Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter) Sean Avery has been romantically linked to one of the Olsen twins and Elisha Cuthbert, and NY Islander Mike Comrie is engaged? to Hillary Duff. It may not mean much now, but it may draw a different crowd’s interest to the sport. (Note: I saw Lindsay Lohan at a Ranger game a few weeks ago...It was less spectacular than you'd think)

The new rules have changed the game to make it more interesting. Goalie Pads have limited sizes now; goal scoring is at an all-time high. There are no more ties, and the shootout, all of sports’ most exciting events, has been instilled as the tie breaker. Players have developed their own persona because of they way they handle their shootout technique. (here, here, and here) In addition, they have limited the areas where goaltenders can handle the puck to make the game flow more interesting, and the new rules dictate standards against obstruction and interference, which allows for faster players to have an advantage over the bigger goonier players that hockey players are stereotyped as.

The league has been receiving promotions and advertising from some of America’s largest sporting corporations. Nike has been one of the foremost in hockey equipment producers in the past decade. RBK has the official licensing for all the jerseys and a large portion of the equipment in the league. Crocs have become an official advertiser and merchandiser. Louisville, Warrior and Easton all have hockey products, yet are not generally associated with the sport. This seems weird to me because though it is a huge market for companies like Nike and RBK, you will never see any of them produce a commercial to be seen in the mass media. Nike will target runners and basketball players, and RBK will do the same. But what’s more amazing to me that these products remain at the top of their respective markets when there is virtually no major advertising done at all.

To diagnose the biggest problem with the game today, I will say that hockey is not more popular than it is because most of America has no idea who the players are. In addition, I think there is an overwhelming stereotype that hockey players just have ridiculous names. But to prove that hockey names are no more different than other popular recognizable names, I’ve developed a Hockey IQ test. In this test, I will compare two individuals side by side. Try to name which one is the hockey player. The other will be another famous person:

Vladamir Nabokov, Evgeni Nabokov
Sergei Fedorov, Anthony Fedorov
Vern Lundquist, Henrik Lundqvist
John Nordstrom, Matt Norstrom
Joe Juneau, Juno McGuff
Jaroslav Hasek, Dominik Hasek
Joe Francis, Ron Francis
Sam Neely, Cam Neely
Bobby Clarke, William Clark
Sidney Crosby, David Crosby
Dan Cloutier, T.J. Cloutier
Jim Carrey, Jim Caray
Darien Hatcher, Teri Hatcher
Marek Malik, Malik Yoba
Thom Yorke, Mike York

Answers: 1b- Evgeni plays for the Sharks, Vladamir wrote Lolita.

2a, Sergei plays for the Bluejackets and was engaged to Anna Kournikova, Anthony finished fourth in the 2006 American Idol competition

3b. Henrik plays goalie for the Rangers, Vern is a football commentator

4b Mattias Norstrom is a Dallas Star; John Nordstrom founded Nordstrom’s, the popular department store

5a Joey Juneau was a great player for the Boston Bruins and Washington Capitals. Juno McGuff is the title character from the hit movie, Juno

6b Dominik is currently on the Detroit Red Wings. Jaroslav was a Czech satirist famous for his affiliation with Franz Kafka

7b Ron Francis finally won a Stanley Cup with the Hurricanes. Joe Francis invented GirlsGoneWild

8b Cam Neely is a Boston Bruin’s hero and also starred as Seabass in Dumb&Dumber. Sam Neely is a country singer

9a Bobby Clarke is a Philadelphia Flyers hero and their current GM. William Clark helped map the country with Meriwether Lewis and Sacagawea.

10a Sidney Crosby is the best player in the league right now. David Crosby is an American folk singer

11a Dan Cloutier is a goalie with the LA Kings. TJ Cloutier is a regular on ESPNs World Series of Poker.

12b Jim Caray is the last American born player to win the Vezina Trophy for goaltender of the year. Jim Carrey was in such blockbusters as The Cable Guy, Me Myself & Irene, and Ace Ventura

13a Darien Hatcher was a Flyer and Dallas Star. Teri Hatcher is a Desperate Housewife

14a Marek Malik is seen making that sweet through the legs shootout goal. Malik Yoba was on NY Undercover and Arrested Development, and is in no way related to hockey.

15b Mike York is a Phoenix Coyote. Thom is the lead singer of Radiohead.

Lets be serious. This is why we watch hockey.