The Peasants Revolt!

*I had to write this as sort of an addendum to Chig’s take on last night’s episode.*

Let’s get right to the bottom of this one folks. Last night’s Real World was, to say the least one of the most ridiculous, yet entertaining episodes I have ever laid eyes on. This season has gone from being one of the dullest seasons to, frankly one of the best (The episode was that LEGENDARY). Let’s recap.

Ryan, Sarah's boyfriend comes to visit. When he arrives she jumps into his arms and tells him how much she has missed him (Although, it would have foreshadowed Ryan’s personality way more accurately if he had jumped into hers). At dinner later, Will and Ryan share a few awkward moments as Will proceeds to have a burping aka flirting contest with Sarah right in front of him. This begins the “The Ryan is a pussy and has no backbone” portion of our program. When Greg returns home, he makes sure to introduce himself to Ryan. This is followed by Greg in the confessional room shitting (figuratively of course) on Ryan for being a ‘dweeb’. When Greg brings a girl (episode skank #1) home for Dave, Kimberly (generic blondie Dave fucks occasionally) is left alone. Will tells Kim to confront Dave, but she doesn't want to (because she constantly lies to herself that she doesn’t like him). One of Greg and Dave's guest make a comment saying that Brianna is ghetto (not the first time she has been called that) and she starts ranting about how the guests are whores (this coming from a stripper). Brianna and Greg proceed to have a shouting match (first time we really see emotion from him, which is a huge breakthrough for his character). Then all of a sudden Greg starts in with Sarah. Sarah charges out of her room and confronts Greg on his behavior towards women (If you didn’t all ready know, Greg refers to women he hooks up with as ‘Associates’ and regular girls as ‘females’, which is a little weird but not nearly as bad as the common bitch, slut, skank vernaculars). Greg calls out Ryan from another room to say that if he wants to defend his ‘female’ (Sarah) and fight he will get beat up (Greg says this only because he knows Ryan is a pussy). Ryan tells Greg that he doesn't want to fight (for the obvious reasons of not wanting to get his ass kicked) but insists that Greg not to call Sarah a bitch and also that Greg not call women "hoes".

Because Real World hadn’t made Ryan look like a pussy enough, they cut to him admitting that the argument with Greg felt like a real fight (Haha). Brianna decides that she likes Ryan because he isn't the type of guy that has balls (girls always say that but what they really mean is they like guys that are pussies as friends, not hook up material). Kimberly admits to her Mom that she has been getting close to Dave (fucking constitutes getting close, right?), but says that she doesn't want to get too close. That night, Dave admits to Justine (skank #2, who Dave actually like likes) that he had people over the night before. Justine tells him that he doesn't have to explain to her. Back at the house Dave and Justine do a confessional together and proceed to make out in the confessional booth. Kimberly sees an opportunity (to be an ultimate bitch) and informs Justine and her friends that Dave has been intimate (the same kind of intimate as with her) with other girls in the past few nights. Justine and her friends decide to leave the house and Dave gets so mad that he threatens to knock out the girls (what is it with huge muscular guys threatening to punch girls this season? First Joey, now Dave?) if they even look at him wrong. Greg looks up at Dave and tells him that Justine wasn't even that hot, and so he shouldn't be upset. Dave gets very defensive and starts to yell at Greg, his anger towards the girls being displaced at Greg.

Inside the house Dave is still mad at Greg. Brianna takes Greg's "associate" Reva (queen of all hoes) aside and warns her about Greg. Greg tells Queen Ho that she can't talk with any of the females in the house or he won't be her ‘associate’ anymore. Brianna and Will take some time to soak their feet and talk about Greg. When Greg comes outside and wonders what they were talking about Brianna ends up telling him that he is a dog because of his chauvinist attitude towards women.

Meanwhile, Sarah discovers that all of her brand new underwear has been stolen. She confronts Greg, but he swears that he didn't take the missing underwear. Sarah tells Ryan about her missing things and cries that she can't live like this. Sarah calls her parents and they comfort her about her missing things. When she is done with her call, Greg tries to get in to use the phone, but Sarah stubbornly keeps the phone away from Greg, even though her vagina boyfriend tells her to let it go (is that 4 acts of pussyism for Ryan now? I notice a theme here). Greg admits to some of the pranks to Will but still denies taking Sarah's underwear.

Ryan quietly douches his V and exits stage left (I didn’t even notice he left). Later, Brianna decides to rummage around Greg's belongings for Sarah's missing underwear. She doesn't find it. That night at a club (which one I forgot as they go to 2 or 3 different Hollywood clubs every episode), Greg admits to Will that he took the underwear (notice how he thinks of Will as his only friend in the house? This will come into play very soon). Will then proceeds to inform Dave of Greg's confession. Back at the house, Will takes his aggression towards Greg out on a punching bag and a wall. Greg wonders what Will's problem is and Will tells him that he needs to return Sarah's missing underwear (He apparently is the keeper of Sarah now, like a brother). After Sarah finds her missing things Will tells her about Greg's admission of guilt. The roommates discuss how they can't trust Greg anymore (which is funny to me because they never trusted him in the first place) and Dave says that he would love to kick Greg's ass (Dave at least once an episode tries to get into a fight for no reason at all). Will makes a move on Greg's "associate" Reva. On the dance floor Will and Reva start to kiss.

Later that night Reva calls for Greg and he informs her that he is upset with her. Reva denies anything happening and Greg decides to invite her over to the house. Once Reva is at the house she wastes no time in jocking Will behind Greg’s back. Kimberly tells Reva of Greg's pranks. When Will enters the room, Kimberly agrees to be the look out for Reva and Will so they can hook up in the confessional room alone. Greg searches the house for Reva but to no avail. When he tries to look in the confessional booth they slam the door in his face.

Greg worries that Reva and Greg are doing something in the confessional (obviously), and is right. When Will and Reva exit the confessional (after oral sexing each other and who knows what else), Reva lies to Greg and says that they were just talking (Haha, ok…). Greg ends up believing Reva (even though he states it isn’t logic to do so) and forgives her, as long as she agrees to stay away from his roommates. Fade to dark…

Closing thoughts…

When the season began, I automatically thought Greg was an arrogant douche (and I still think that) because he calls people peasants and gets under people’s skin every chance he can get. But this episode was down right cold. The gang mentality in the house has officially gotten out of hand to the point where everything Greg does is blown way out of proportion by the rest of the roommates. Besides being arrogant, his biggest offense was putting rocks in Will’s bed, putting a bloody tissue in Dave’s bed, and stealing Sarah’s underwear. Annoying for sure, but hardly serious. I used to think Will was awesome but for him to punish Greg by fucking his ‘Associate’ was just uncalled for in my opinion.

Did the punishment fit the crime? You tell me.

I end with a photo of happier times

MV Mamba

"We don't rebuild, we reload!"

-Shaquille O'Neal, Los Angeles Lakers 2004

Those were the words of former Lakers Center entering the 2004 season, a season of turmoil that ended the last Lakers dynasty. Following that year Kobe Bryant opted out of his contract, Shaq was traded, Phil Jackson stepped down and the other role players on the team were scatter amongst the NBA.

Kobe ultimately re-signed with the Lakers amid the notion that playing for them provided his best shot to continue winning championships. But was it?

Following the breakup of the Shaq/Kobe Lakers, the organization did everything in their power to "rebuild" the team opting to surround Bryant with young talent instead of season veterans. Every move they made seemed to imply they were building a team for the next decade (rebuilding) instead of building a team to win now (reloading). Through the following three seasons of mediocrity, Bryant stayed on board, begging for some help. It was until the end of the 2007 season when he realized the organization had been lying to him. Their primary focus wasn't to build a championship caliber team around him; they intended to build a championship core to succeed him. This caused the maniacal and championship driven Bryant to present an ultimatum for the world to hear, "Build a championship around me, or trade me to an organization that will do so."

Listening to LA radio, days after Bryant won the 2008 MVP award and had lead the Lakers to a 6-0 record to start the postseason, many Laker fans still expressed disgust for the disloyalty Bryant showed to the organization.

Somehow these guys missed the point. Mitch Kupchack didn't turn into a genius overnight with the Pau Gasol deal, the history, location, power and appeal of LA had made LA an attractive destination for obtaining high quality free agents at a discount rate. Players like Jermaine O'Neal, Ron Artest, Jason Kidd and Baron Davis all expressed interest in playing in Los Angeles. Kobe and the Lakers could have been competing for championships for the past two years if properly motivated.

I am of the opinion that Kobe's demands done in the way he did so were the only way the Lakers would change their priorities. Without them, the maturation of the younger players (a bit of luck for everyone involved) and Kobe's newfound trust for his teammates, the Lakers present and future would not be as bright as it is today.

Sounds like an MVP to me.

A Few QUick HIts

Quick Thoughts

You know those old Haray Carey skits with Will Ferrell, "If the moon were made of cheese would you eat it?" It's a simple YES or No Question. Those are awesome. Tune in for more of the Chris Farley Show.

I feel like Froot Loops is trying to end society with their new Froot Loops straws. You know what Toucan Sam, what if I don't want part of my balanced diet to come from a drinking receptacle? Why don;t you follow your nose up that path?

What's the funniest country name? I'm going to go with Yemen.

It's a free throw. It's fifteen feet. I'm looking at you Derrick Rose.

If you don't listen to the Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsytem then fuck you.

Me- Goodbye college basketball. I'm a mess without you. I need you. I miss your scent....I miss your musk. I'm ....(sob) (sob) (sob)
O.J. Mayo--Yo dog, maybe you know, don't talk for awhile.
Kevin Love-- Yeah, maybe sit the next few plays out buddy.

Nick Hornby likes soccer as much as I like all the sports I enjoy in summation. Seriously, it's incredible. His love of soccer runs so deeply throughout Fever Pitch that it makes me not retch at the sight of the game. If I had read this book earlier in my life, I probably would have moved to England, gotten myself a cool cockney accent, a mohawk and beat up some Liverpoolians.

Can someone post for me how the internet works. I feel like I could explain how a car works or how an airplane flies to a five year old. But if she asks me how the fucking internet works, I'm going to have to scream, "It's a series of tubes!"

He Looks Like The Guy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbnwir88g_4

He totally looks like the guy that would brag about his tomatoes!

District Deliberations: On Today

Hey,

So today I read this whole big article and I realized something: Ron Paul would make a really good president. His entire philosophy on immigration, abortion, and a return to the Gold standard as a unit of measurement for currency actually makes a whole lot of sense. If you really put it in perspective, he could bring us back to the days where the dollar was worth a fortune, circa the Jimmy Carter presidency (one of, if not the, greatest president). Also, given his stature, it is hard to say any country or terrorist organization would want to try anything against us. It would be like picking a fight with Napoleon in his prime.

Also, reading ESPN today, it seemed as if the Knicks want to hang on to Isiah Thomas for another year. I think this is a smart move because, despite some of his minor mishaps, he’s put together a multi-million dollar roster full of talent. Once they get their chemistry figured out, they will be unstoppable. Mark my words, Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph will go down as one of the best big duos in basketball since Duncan-Robinson.

I also put down 500$ today for OSU to destroy USC at the Coliseum this fall. USC just doesn’t have enough talent to compete with BIG 10 speed. Watch it, Trojans, and GO BUCKEYES!

Also, I actually had an opportunity to read some texts on the basis of Scientology, and the verdict is in. It’s actually pretty sweet. I was captivated by all of it. I strongly urge anyone that may read this to do some research. There has to be a reason so much of Hollywood is onto this. I mean after all, Hollywood is full of some of the most reasonable thinkers that humankind possesses. All hail Tom Cruise.

Ok, this is getting to be a bit much even for me, but I’ll end with this.

District Deliberations: On Current Happenings

Ok, so I’ve been a degenerate and haven’t blogged in a year, so here are my thoughts on the current state of the world.

Elliot Spitzer got ripped off. He way overpaid for that jersey trash. $80,000, really? That girl was worth maybe a six pack of Mike’s at the shore. My favorite is that she was also on Girl’s Gone Wild. Spitzer is such a douche, and to make matters worse, this chick is going to get rich off of the situation. She will go on a book tour, release an album, and do talk shows. Finally though, someone will realize she’s just Jersey trash, and that’ll be the end of her. Fucking Spitzer.

In Politics, the next president will be a liberal…and here’s why. ALL THREE CANDIDATES ARE LIBERAL. So for every democrat that rules out McCain for having the Republican tag, get used to your new president, because it’s going to happen. While Democrats battle over a white man and a black woman (that’s right I said it, Obama’s a sensitive guy) instead of uniting to fight McCain like they should, Johnny Mac sits there and does what he pleases. Many independents and conservative Democrats have marked their support for the Senator after his speech last week. The Conservative Right isn’t going anywhere, which should put McCain at like 60% favored in the polls. So barring an actual sex scandal, (nice going NYTimes) there’s not much else to do but plan the inaugural ball. Now before people chew this out, let me level with you. For those who think he’s the second coming of W, he’s not. For those afraid of his social issues, he’s opposed to the appeal of Roe v. Wade, and supports Stem Cell Research. For those who think his stance on the war is wrong… He’ll be the most likely to successfully get us out of Iraq, and let me remind you that Hilldog voted for the war, and though Obama opposed it, he couldn’t actually vote against it (he wasn’t a senator when the vote took place). Saying you don’t want the war, and having the wherewithal to actually do something about it are two different things. Fuck Illinois’ state senate. Finally, McCain was mentioned heavily as a favorite to be John Kerry’s VP in 2004. That dope is as liberal as they come. So that’s it. PS Al Gore will not be the next president, but that goofy bastard will have a huge say in the democratic nominee. That in itself is an inconvenient truth. (see what I did there?)

Fuck Jeremiah Wright and Louis Farrakhan. That being said, who cares if they support Obama. Look at the idiots that support McCain and Hillary. Anyone who thinks that Obama has been indoctrinated with all this hate is retarded. My take is that it’s a creative way to reevaluate racism in the country. Southern bigots (FoxNews) have been pissed since Jim Crow was repealed and finally feel ashamed for being terrible people. So finally when the black community gets an enthusiastic and positive leader, who has a racist preacher, the ex-bigot group is going to act all offended and play the victim. I call bullshit. Obama has been criticized for this for too long and in the end it doesn’t matter. (also McCain supported Obama’s support of his preacher, furthering the homogeny of all the candidates). However, Hilldog’s claims that she landed amidst sniper fire in Bosnia is hilarious. She will also be the next president, end the war, feed all the children, and not be such a horrible liar. Fuck you Hillary, yet again.

And now, everyone’s favorite hooker.

and look at that come hither look. Doesn't it just say, "pay me for sex?"

All black people do not look alike, but...

Seriously, who is who???

It's the one that says Bad Mother Fucker on it....Part Deux

To: Negro
From: That's all you had to say

Missing out on the Prolific, but he is busy taking care of EMO and RAVI. Ill jump in.

Grossest thing? No idea, ¼ of chicks in America with STDs?

As for the Hall, Nash is going to make it the same reason he as Hollinger has repeatedly reminded us incredulously won the 2006 MVP award. People LOVE him, why is that? I think we can get a couple more curious guys out of that topic. People love him most likely for the same reason they love John Daly, they feel that they can relate to him for some reason. Maybe it's because he's only slightly taller than them unlike his behemoth teammates he's frail and tends to live a normal non bling life. As for his numbers, he has had great years in Phoenix but he's breaking down and if this is his last good year he probably does not deserve the HOF, but I assume he will make it anyways and be a first ballot guy. Let me put it this way, no one even considers him a HOFer before heading to phx. Were these last 4 years really worthy of a career of recognition?

To clarify the girl with dudes things I meant anywhere, bars and clubs just seem to be where they it comes up the most but I meant to a stranger. If you know someone to be goofy no amount of events are probably going to change your opinion. More so I meant you walk around and see some guy with a random hottie, whys he that much cooler than he would be without the hottie? A guy with a huge group of friends looks like us, so we don't notice as much. Oh he's the center of 4 guys wait, I was just telling a story to 8 of them. What actually tends to happen more frequently is we a beautiful woman catches our eye, and then we notice the gentleman to her right and think, "what's he got that I don't" and the actual answer is nothing but we always assume exactly what Deuce said. Cock, Money/Cool or the girl is dumb. I don't know it's sort of weird to me.

Steps Theory, it's basically correlated to nurture v nature. My main question is keeping all things equal outside of effort do we have limitations. I think we do because since time is finite, it leads me to believe effort is so as well, and if so we must have limitations. The actual steps concept has too many intangibles to re-elaborate on them. How does nature / talent actually help limit an individual's potential? I think talent/nature is the rate, the quickness in which your effort actually translates in to production. This model makes sense because given equal effort the individuals with the most talent will have the most production. Let me know if you guys would like to add anything to the new simplified model. I basically took out the multi-steps and just basically made one step for one individual without taking into consideration how his step overlaps with the other individuals in the world's steps.

Adderall, is something I would need to do more research on however, it has been describe extremely similarly to steroids to me and if that's the case it just says a lot about our priorities. Society loves to glorify public figures and hold them to higher standards than they hold themselves and this has been going on for quite some time.

As for the combo guard thing, Monta is good, my point is he's small, he's frail, he's not even as good as wade and we don't know what wade would have been without shaq. Arenas has the skill set to excel in the NBA but who doesn't. Marbury, Baron, and all those guys could have been the greatest pg ever but they were not and are not even close to being the best pg today.

Deuce and I love football, as for soccer and hockey keep it simple, Beckham and the ducks questions only. Haha, Jets or 49ers? Brandon Moore is their RT?

I hate to get all philosophical but what would you guys throw everything you have done thus far away for? A chance at what? A romance with who? Spitzer threw it away for Alexandra Dupré and while I think she's hot, beauty is common, especially in the city of angels.

As for the GSW-Suns tonight! Woot Woot! Ill have my jersey ready! I would go GSW +8. As for the actually winner I have no idea, the original Superman will save all his subsequent dives for the playoffs!


To: That's all you had to say
From: Negro

What's up Vanilla Faces and Chiggy,

I'm going to re-answer my question about Nash because I wasn't asking about Nash himself per se. I do think he belongs in the Hall of Fame, but I'm going to extrapolate the argument out a bit. In my mind, the Hall of Fame—and probably everyone else's as well—the Hall of Fame should be reserved for the "best" basketball players.However, the problem then becomes, "how do you decide on the bestplayers?" Obviously, the Michael Jordan's, Jerry West's and Magic Johnson's of the world are in. They had long and brilliant careers. But what about a guy that was just above average for a very long time. Does he deserve to get in because he's tenth on the all-time scoring list? I mean, who cares where he ranks on some list if he neverreally affected a team. Basketball, unlike baseball, isn't about stats so much as impact. And when it comes to impact, I think it is much better to burn out than to fade away. So, let's take Nash as a test case.
Steve Nash didn't really get a chance to start everyday until he was traded to Dallas. So, I'm going to omit those first few years from my analysis except to wonder whether or not anyone has ever come as faras he has, i.e. not playing at all to fighting over a spot with Anthony Johnson on the Mavericks to two MVP awards. Anyways, since 2000-2001 Nash has averaged about 17 points a game, and when he was in Dallas he averaged about 8 assists. Since he moved back to the Suns, his assists have increased dramatically up to an average of about 11,and he's been one of the top three point guards in the league over the last five years except, I would argue that he's been better than that for a bit longer. What is the true test of a point guard? Is it points? Obviously not, that's why we've hammered on Gilbert Arenas. Is it assists? Well, this answer is closer, but still wrong. Assists help to paint the broad strokes of the picture, but they miss the most important argument. To my mind, the best indicator of great point guard play, on the offensive end, is offensive efficiency. Incredibly, Steve Nash led teams have been the most efficient offensive team in each of the last seven years dating back to2001-2002. That is an incredible run.

Finally, I get that Nash's career hasn't spent as much time as otherpoint guards at this level, but I think the hall of Fame is about remembering peak performance, and seven years seems, to me, to be a large enough sample size to label him an elite point guard somewhere better than Bob Cousy and worse than Gary Payton. I mean, think about it this way, when people think of Mickey Mantle's career, do they focus on his early struggles and his late failings or do they focus on his best 10 year stretch?

On that note, I'm going to crib something from Bill Simmons. I think that there should be levels to every hall of fame. For example, we'd have media and such on the bottom level since they always votethemselves in despite the fact that no one cares about their busts. Then, on the second level, we'd have marginal Hall of Famer's. On the third, we'd have great players, and on the last level there would bethe all-time greats. That's where the Jordan's and the Bird's and the Johnson's and the Russell's would be. We could even limit the amountof all-time greats, that way we would have to be really sure that a player deserved to be remembered on the highest level. Of course,we'd also probably have to allow them to augment that level by two or three players per decade. It wouldn't be historically accurate to eventually kick Jerry West out of the inner room just because a younger generation didn't remember his prowess relative to the people he was playing against.

To Joey, Adderall is fucking wild. I took it twice in college, and then just didn't need sleep. I was not tired the next day and just went to bed at my normal time. It was so strange. It was like I just didn't need sleep for a night. If that's not a mental steroid then I don't know what is.

The step theory seems to me to be completely true. Though I think of it as more of a pyramid with way more people in the middle than on either edge. I mean, isn't the theory basically proven by bell curves? The problem people tend to have is that they believe that with hard work anyone can be anything, but what they fail to realize is that the ability to work hard is a gift in and of itself. I just don't have the desire to work hard to become a racecar driver. So, I will never become a good racecar driver; I'm at the bottom of the pyramid. But some people have a gift for driving and care to work their asses off. The lesson is, even caring enough to work hard at something is a gift. When natural talent and hard work meet, people make a lot of money.

Finally, with the Spitzer question, I think we're missing the point. In almost every case, non-famous people are only risking their personal, not their professional lives. So, I guess you're not really losing everything (Though you could still make the argument that you were). Anyways, the answer is that there is no woman alive for whom I would risk or lose everything I'd built. However, if Heidi Klum could become 28 again, that answer would change faster than you can believe.

Anyways, I think the most telling point of the whole Spitzer debaclehas more to do with hubris than any real knowledge that he was aboutto throw his life away. I mean, here's a guy who fought corruption on Wall Street when it wasn't perceived by the corrupt people as wrong. They were just going about their business like they always had, in most cases. They knew it was against the law, but it was the way they'd always done and always been allowed to do everything. Suddenly, Spitzer comes along and puts them behind bars using electronic paper trails. Now, Spitzer is in hot water because he used a service that hundreds of New Yorkers use all the time, but is against the law and he was caught via electronic paper trail. It's ironic, and luckily everyone involved gets what they deserved, except#9's wife, which brings me to my last question….

What the hell is going through a woman's head be it Eliot Spitzer'swife or Hillary Clinton or any woman when they have to stand next totheir husband as he has a press conference announcing he cheated onthem? Is it embarrassment as all of America knows that they're homelife was not lived as advertised? Is it anger, held in check byXanax? Or is it something else? And what about the wife of that Pennsylvania (New Jersey Governor, maybe) lawmaker when it turned out he was gay?

Have a great day bitches,

Austin

Check my Wallet....which one's your wallet....The one that says bad ass motherfucker on it.

From: Chiggy
To: Spunk Faces

Deuce, Sen., Prolific,

I am starting another "curious guy" (copyrights with Simmons) because three main topics have peaked my interest. Monta (Combo guards), the girl rule (a new rule in a long line of chigozism) and Adderall (Educational Steroids?). Why didn't I just post on all three topics in the normal format? I think I kind of like this "curious guy" format in which my takes are discussed and balance is shown to my opinions, plus I love the immediate feedback, so without further adieu.

Monta: Simmons is ridiculous. Jron is just insane. Hibachi is just silly. Surf and Turf? While I acknowledge Monta is the greatest waiver wire pick up ever (First round bye here I come woot woot!) he is not the next Wade. Not even close. How is he any different from any other undersized two guards who is primarily a scorer? Isn't this what OJ Mayo is getting killed for? Mayo, Monta, Gordon, D. Harris, Leandr o Barbosa, Jamal Crawford, Gilbert (aka Hibachi) what do any of these "gunners" have in common? My take they are not franchise guys. Sure every team would love to have one of these guys preferably as a spark of the bench but would you seriously want to build around any one of them? People seem to their (potential) offensive unstopability will lead to anything more than an early round exit. How many of these types of players have lead a team to a championship? None in our lifetime. If any of you guys have any thoughts I would love to hear them.

Girl Rule, the basis premise of this rule is everything someone does can look much cooler if you have a girl with you participating and or watching you do it. How did I come up with this rule? Heading to the LA club scene I noticed how many guys went there without girls. All of these guys seemed like scrubs standing on the edge of the dance floor holding their beers waist high and wistfully waiting for a female to talk to them. Then it struck me, the reason these guys look like tools is because they don't have girls with them! If they were doing exactly the same thing but had a girl next to them it would appear that they were "chilling" same thing for the dance floor, or the bar, alone you look like a tool but when you are with a girl (s) you look like you are either in a intimate situation or the life of the party. What are you guys thoughts on this and why it has this perception. Also what does this tell you about our society and the human race in general?

Adderall, my initial thoughts are pretty simple, academic steroids? I don't think people know enough about the health effects to really differentiate between the long term effects of the two drugs but what are your initial opinions? Many more thoughts but this is a G rated site.

Awaiting my belt! with kisses,

Chiggy

From: Double Deuce
To: Gingers

Hey Chig Music,

Back by unpopular demand, it's time to get some self-exploration on.So, you want to know what's so great about Monta Ellis, why Adderallis awesome and what causes uncool actions to suddenly become cool.

Well, she-it negroooooooooooooo that's all you had to say.

I'll start where I'm most comfortable; basketball.

You write, "How is he any different from any other undersized two guards who is primarily a scorer? Isn't this what OJ Mayo is getting killed for? Mayo, Monta, Gordon, D. Harris, Leandro Barbosa, Jamal Crawford, Gilbert (aka Hibachi) what do any of these "gunners" have incommon?" Now, I seriously cannot believe you are lumping O.J. Mayo in the samecategory as a guy like Monta Ellis. Ellis has proven himself a verycapable scorer in the best basketball league in the world, while Mayo is periodically getting shut down by college players. But that aside,you are absolutely correct, a team will never win a championship with Monta Ellis as their centerpiece, but as an important cog off the bench, he could absolutely be an integral piece for a championship team. The guy is locked up to 770k for the next two years and can carry the scoring loads for games at a time. To wit, his scoring andshooting numbers have been almost unfathomable over the last 15 games. How can you compare O.J. Mayo and Monta in light of this? It's unconscionable.

Second, I really don't think that Gilbert Arenas can be on this list.While I agree that he will not win a championship with how his team is currently constructed, He is a step above every other player on thislist. He's more like Dominique Wilkins—great scorer, who will neverwin a championship— than he is like the other players on your list,and what's wrong with that? I mean, Wilkins was the human highlightreel, and Arenas is the human bloglight reel. More importantly, theycan carry teams to 50+ wins whereas no one else on that list is carrying anyone to a .500 season if they've got to be their team's beast of burden.

Third, before I rate the characters, I need to add in a caveat. I don't, honestly, know how good Monta would be in any other system. Nellie Ball is perfect for his frenetic pace and his need to get alarge volume of shots. Nellie lets him over-dribble and hoistridiculous shots, and it keeps him happy enough to keep passing the pill at other times. How a team that fast doesn't average over 20 assists a game is beyond me.

Anyways, how would you rate these characters? I'm throwing out the Hibachi because he's in a different league than the others. So now I've got Ellis, Barbosa, Harris, Crawford, Mayo and Gordon. Interestingly, if you would have asked me this question last year I would have put Barbosa in front of Ellis, but his lost confidence is vexing this year. How do you forget how to make 3's, especially ifyour name isn't Nick Anderson? Also, I feel like this list is cut into three pretty obvious tiers. We're looking at the Top three inthe first tier, Crawford sitting by himself because he's a proven bit above average commodity, and then the other two languishing in the back.

I'm going to take on the Adderall question next because I'm not quite ready to take on a question about the cool power of double X chromosomes. Adderall is obviously an enhancer. I mean, the only other way I'm going to stay up and study for 48 straight hours is withan eight ball of coke or 37 Red Bulls and 25 cups of coffee. And the crazy thing is that I'm not sure which one of these three options is the worst for me. But the equation of studying to drugs looks something like this:
4 Adderall= 24 straight hours studying Econometrics
12 Red Bull+12 cups of coffee=24 straight hours studying Econometrics
1 Eight ball of coke=18 minutes of studying Econometrics & 23 hours42 minutes of looking for more coke.

So, I guess it's better than the cocaine, but a toss up with theliquid caffeine. Now, the problem, as with all drugs, is where todraw the line. Malcolm Gladwell has a great piece in the New Yorker about coffee and increased brain functioning. Is this a form of enhancement? You betcha it is. So, what makes it allowable? A lot of people take vitamins to supplement a shoddy diet. What makes this okay? Where is the line? I guess, the point is that all of this drug testing is arbitrary. It isn't okay in sports because sports are ontelevision and we like the picture of the savant. We'd rather someonebe talented than work hard. We, as humans, are beholden to the myththat talent is somehow nobler than constantly refining skills through hard work. Anyways, I'm going to get off my soap box here. We don't care about Adderall because it just doesn't cross our minds that the only way to get an A is to take drugs. We just assume the person worked his ass off throughout the quarter or semester or whatever. Finally, college kids aren't constantly on television, in general, whichmeans there is much less scrutiny on their day to day lives. I have no doubt that if, all of a sudden, econometrics became an Olympicsport, they would test the shit out of our systems for Adderall.

Next, onto the girl conundrum. I don't know. This question seems to have a fairly obvious answer. Maybe, you want more nuance,but I mean, there really isn't that much. The way I look at it, pretty girls are basically a finite resource and guys don't have a lot of variation from person to person, except at the very top and very bottom. So, when we see a guy by himself we think, "That guy's a douche, ha ha ha," but when we see him with a girl and he's not substantially better looking we are forced to think, "Man, He had to do something to get with that girl. Either he's super cool or he's got a humongous penis. Or she's just really dumb." Now, the first two are unlikely and the third is actually very likely, but it doesn'tmatter because the first two could potentially be true. That potentiality breeds contempt and grudging respect so the guy automatically seems cooler no matter what he's doing on the dancefloor. Then again, I think clubs generally suck. What are you doinggoing to them anyways?

Finally finally, speaking to the human condition, it seems to me that people seem cooler as long as they've got anyone else around them.This is why guys go out to places with their buddies and girls tag along with other girlfriends. To this end, you might say, "I roll with my homeslices so I've got a posse." Well, why wouldn't someone pick a fight with you? It's not because you're tough, but because you seem like the type of person others would stick their neck out for. Inherently, you seem cool. People don't fight with cool people. So, really the top level of cool is obviously a girl on the arm, but a group is still a rung up from the last group which is headed by Amare Stoudemire looking for someone who recognizes him at a club while Chiggy looks on in delight wondering if he could beat him in a fight.

All right, big game tonight. Warriors or Suns?

Do you think Nash makes the hall of fame? This is really a question of would you rather burn brightly for a five year stretch or be asteady above average player.

What's the grossest thing you can think of? This is mine. Yesterday, I had to use a public bathroom—which totally sucks. There was only one stall so I had to wait as some other guy dropped his deuce. Finally he's done, and out walks a fucking bum. I mean, can you think of anything grosser than having to drop a deuce on the same toilet as a fucking transient. I washed my ass fifty times yesterday and took some antibiotics, and this is all after putting like 500 of those paper toilet ring things on the toilet rim. Absolutely disgusting.

Catch you on the flip side,

Double Deuce


From: Senator Mary Ann
To: I didn't get to make this up

ok boys, I'll start from the bottom up.

The grossest thing ever... is ginger kids. Fuck those freckled little bastards...

I think Nash definitely makes the hall of fame. The guy has reinvented the assist. He's a John Stockton for our generation. He's too good not to make it. Even if he burns out, he'll still have put himself on a pedestal that all other players in this day are compared to. When you think "assist" nowadays, he's the first name you think of. The dude can shoot, he's a leader, and he's a stand up character for the NBA. I like him in the HOF

I agree with Austin for the most part on his take on the Girl with a Dude makes him look cooler theory. However, I would like to add certain exceptions to the rule. There will always be a case where a guy is just so doofy, that it will always look like charity. He could be the smoothest operator underneath, but if the dope is goofy on the outside, its over. I mean I'll acknowledge if a dude has a good looking girl with him, but sometimes its just laughable. I'll note my brother Danny as a perfect example. He's a great kid, don't get me wrong, but if i saw him talking to a SI Swimsuit caliber girl, I wouldn't know what to do other than laugh (and go hit on her myself). Also, there are a number of individuals at a certain level of douche, that no matter how hot the chick, the dude will always be a douche. Case and point...Mark Zoller. The dude pulled a fair amount of ass. But no matter the caliber of the chick with him at the bar, he was/is always going to be a douche/tool/undeserved egomaniac. I forgot my point, but fuck Mark Zoller. Oh yeah, anyways, the caliber of the girl can also decide the level of how much cooler a certain activity can be. If youre at the beach with a good looking girl...Props... If she's not so good looking...Whats wrong with that guy? Is he hunting that wildebeast? you get my point. As we're leaving this only to situations at a bar/club, i'll end my piece on this.

Adderall as an academic steroid is the best analogy for the substance I've ever heard, especially in pertaining to our conversations. It is a controlled substance (much like roids in that they are sometimes legal) that when abused can give you an edge in the 'test' you are competing for. However, they are different in that adderall doesn't function much differently than excessive caffeine. And its weird in the way it functions too because it is a stimulant that calms hyperactive people with ADD down. Steroids are a stimulant for people who are slow in some form, thats why it works so much more effiectively on people that are normal. I might just be talking out of my ass, but from what i've heard, adderall doesn't do that much for normal people, it functions more like a placebo unless you're seriously ODing on the shit, whereas steroids will exhibit a noticeable physical difference in a short time of using, at least this is what i've seen/heard, but again, i'm no expert. However, there are several individuals that had that XU adderall when i was a sophmore. That was to be taken once a day because it lasted 24 hours. The people who took that usually ended up doing worse because the were so goddamned wired. Idk, thats my take.

As for bball and competition in general, I'm really at a loss. I think the shooting guard position is one that is either being redefined by the Lebrons and Agent Zeros out there, but there is wasteland after them. Even so, it has been a long time since an MJ really led their team to a championship (except maybe tony parker when MANU is on the court, but even then...) Thats something that i think Chiggy needs to define with his step theory (or plateau because the levels are vaguer). Usually I see the emergence of players like Monta as something as a omen of bad things to come. I'll cite when the knicks brought in Moochie Norris. He was an awesome SG that could actually play well with Starbury, but even then, his arrival kinda signaled the downfall of a franchise that competed well for a while there. Still, Wilkins won shit. Arenas won't win anything. Crawford is headed that way. And if this is the shape of things to come, OJ Mayo should stay at USC for 3 more years. I still see Ben Gordon winning something somewhere. He's like a John Salley character though. Grind it out on the heat. Retire, then come back on the Lakers and get a ring... I kinda see that happening to him.

My question would involve hockey or soccer or football, but I'm the only one that gives a shit right now anyways, so i'll hold my thoughts for an independent post. Fucking Jets look so different. All they need is an Estrada for that Right side. Branden Moore blows.

Thoughts?

Madame Holly

Madame Holly

Saturday, March 8th, 2008
Chinatown

"You're going to live to an old age."
-Every psychic who has ever existed

My journey has begun and there is no going back. My partner and I have looked it up and found over four pages of psychics, mentalists, spiritualists, clairvoyants, mediums and general John Jay bullshit artists in the City proper, all of them willing to peer into the secret garden of our soul (for between 25 and 150 dollars a reading). This being a point close to the beginning, I should expound a bit upon my reasons for these psychic readings especially because I'm a sort of psychic atheist. Actually, that might give psychics too much credit. Atheism implies that there is an opposite that could also be the case. Truly, I'm more of a psychic interloper. But who knows, perhaps I've entered their world in the same way C.S. Lewis once entered a church. Perhaps, I'll come out of this experience and write books about the power of aura healing and tarot card readings. I doubt it.

What does it mean to be alive? I mean, really, why are we here? This is possibly the stupidest, most boring, question in the world. It's also the only important question, and sort of humorously, if it were to have an answer it would, no doubt, be incredibly unfulfilling. If God were to open up the heavens or burn from a bush and tell me my reason for being was to procreate, it wouldn't surprise me. I mean, that's pretty much the reson He gave to Abram. But damn; if procreation is my only reason for being, then what a boring life. My conciousness would be minimized. I'd be nothing greater than an animal, and I don't care what PETA says, animals and me are not on the same playing field. It's not even the same fucking ballpark. I mean, let's think about the dog. Man's best friend lives and eats for free on the Marshburn dole, and this is fucking expected. My dogs are bums and no one seems to care. All they do is sit around, sleep, and hump things. Is this the life I'm supposed to live? I sure hope not. Help me Holly.

To get to Holly's reading room, we had to venture through Chinatown on a Saturday. San Francisco is already a small city, but Chinatown on a Saturday might as well be Beijing except with taller and whiter people. The smell of fish permeates everything and, on this day, the air was thick in the sort of way city air gets on a warm calm day. Why couldn't it be blustery and rainy? Those seem like movie quality psychic conditions. In any case, we're not operating under the optimum conditions, and there isn't enough electricity in the air, but who needs lightning when I've got Holly? Let's get my self-exploration on.

We found Holly through a Google search, and as we walk into her psychic reading room, I feel as if she is looking into my soul like a child looking at a new pet for the first time. Then she begins to speak. "Who's up first?" she says. Shouldn't she know the answer to this query? I mean, her vocation is clairvoyance. Shouldn't she just point at one of us? That would have been much more impressive. In any case, Nick is first, and they don't even go into an adjoining room. Up to this point, coming to a psychic had been akin to--what I assume it's like--when one goes to a brothel. You go into a separate room, she services you and you come out with empty pockets. Until now psychic readings were exactly the same, except without the sloppy seconds and possible sexually transmitted diseases.

As Nick's reading comes to an end, I prepare to have my mind blown by Holly's truthbomb cards, and as I pick some, admittedly, great cards, I begin to think about Bill Murray. Apparently I'm incredibly gifted but also walking a path that isn't quite right for me. I'm a searcher, you see. Luckily, a mentor is going to come along by the time June rolls around and he's going to make me an unbelievable offer, and in my mind, this man is Bill Murray. He seems perfect because he's talented and lazy and just my type, and He's going to take me under his wing, and he might also try to take my girl, but I can't really complain because, you know, he's Bill Murray and all.

As the reading continues, I just keep imagining myself placed into the movie of Bill Murray's life. We're planning screenplays and new ways to hit golf balls together. He's the big dog and I'm nothing but a cinderella story getting my rocks off at the ball washing machine devising a way to "kill all the gophers," and its exactly what I've always wanted except now I'm worrying about Bill's newfound sensibility. Has he lost his ability to play up for laughs because I might need him to do that a little bit. I might need him to re-incorporate a little Stripes-like slapstick to go with the quiet laughs of Rushmore. I mean, is he even capable of this anymore? For a person that's about to become very successful, I sure do have a lot of self-doubt. Thanks a lot Holly; you've just managed to muddle the waters even further with your tarot cards. Maybe, you just needed a little more lightning.

You know, this being a journey of self-empowerment, I sort of get the feeling that I need to drop my cynicism and allow the power of pyschic thought to heal my soul. Maybe, I just need to cure myself of using ironic distance as a shield for the mind. Or maybe, psychics shoud be better bullshitters. I don't know, but if being clairvoyant was my J-O-B, I think I'd think of something better to say than, "You have an aura; you're going to live to an old age." Though, now that I think about it, I am two for two with the old age thing.....so I've got that going for me, which is nice.