Queens Queries--> NYFG O-LINE

Welcome to QUEENS QUERIES....where I, the (not-so) Prolific), will ask questions about LIFE.....to be answered by either members or a particular individual I choose to interview....

Today, I am interviewing fellow Law School student Josyl, on the topic of the NYFG O-Line in their matchup with the Patriots D-Line and NYFG O-Lineman Chris Snee (because Josyl lived in the same hall as him during College)

1. Josyl, please tell me why Chris Snee and the NYFG O-Line will prevent the Patriots from getting to Eli?
Josyl: They'll protect mostly because they'll be running a bunch of short yardage plays, picking at the defense, and won't need to have max protect for a lot of long passes. this will especially be effective because the O-line blows holes open that our running game will exploit making the short passes and play action even deadlier. they're going to have to stack the line, and they'll over penetrate. as long as eli keeps stepping up into the pocket, we'll be successful.


2. Why is Chris Snee's nickname the Crocodile?
Josyl: I don't know.

3. Is Chris Snee's wife, Katie Coughlin, hot?
Josyl: Yes, she def is, I saw her walking around campus (BC) and she's gorgeous.

4. Does Shaun O'Hara (# 60) own an Irish Pub?
Josyl: If he doesn't, he better be in the market.

5. What type of name is La Kevin? (La Kevin Smith is a D-Lineman for the Patriots, who is going to get SHAT on, then again, he never plays)
La Kevin is the traditional type of ignorant-ass black parents name (think La Tisha, La Toya, La Quanda)

6. Do you know who La Kevin Smith is?
Josyl: No, I don't know who he is

EXACTLY

7. Any last words about Chris or anything else
Josyl: He's an amazing guy. He looks like a big angry bear, but he was genuinely one of the nicest guys I knew, and one of the few guys on the football team who wasn't absolutely full of himself. It's a great story, and I wish him the best.
Also, he used to give me so much shit for being a Giants fan in college because he was a Bears fan so i found it hilarious that he got drafted to the team. I saw him after the draft, gave a smirk, and said "welcome to the team".

Playoffs Guys and why ELI is good

So the New York Football Giants are going to the Super Bowl

Since the beginning of the NFL Playoffs, I have followed the New York Football Giants (NYFG, not to be confused with the NYPD or the NYFD, which you may know from others sources) in their quest to finally get past the first round. It just happened to be that the day of their first playoff quest was the last day of the trip, when Chiggy departed to Cali. However, he did meet the first GUY in my 3 part NFL Playoffs (Playoffs?) , you know that guy series.

Drunken New York Giants Fan (Queens Edition, DNYFG-Q)

You know that guy.....
this is the type of guy that I have met at the local bar before while he was on a date during the last week of regular season baseball. He then proceeds to leave his date for half an hour. When he returns, I offer him some left over wings, which he shares with his date and high-fives me.
this is the type of guy that arrives at the local bar wearing his NYFG t-shirt early for the NYFG vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Wild Card Round Game . By early, he was standing outside for the bar owner to come open it up.
this is the type of guy that approaches a group of young people at the bar. These young people composed of 3 girls and 3 guys. He then asks which team they support, although they are wearing NYFG jerseys.
this is the guy that starts hitting on one of the girls until he asks if she is dating one of the guys with her, to which she replies yes.

this is the guy that moves around the bar looking for the real “Giants” fans

this is the guy that is a real catch-22 for bar owners…..he is annoying as fuck, yet he is the best customer

this is the guy that says, “Eli is not bad, he is my favorite player, especially when he passes it to my favorite player ever Plaxico Buress, but he can only do that when he gets protection from my favorite players, the O-Line, who can protect Eli, my favorite player, when the running game has been established by Brandon Jacobs, my favorite player”.

this is the guy that emphasizes the PASS GAME of the New York Giants (however, he ended up being a prophet when ELI threw his first td pass to……..

this is the guy that whenever Amani Tommer (# 81 for the NYFG) touches the football screams out “IT IS NOT A TUMOR” like displayed below

you know that guy.

NYFG 24- Tampa Bay 14

Angry Dallas Cowboys Fan (ADCF)
You know that guy.
this is the guy that lives in NY and grew up in the area, yet his a Cowboys fan because of the early 1990s
this is the guy that comes to a bar dominated by NYFG fans with his die-hard NYFG girlfriend
this is the guy that guy that is annoying everyone by cheering overtly loudly at Cowboys plays before they are actually successful
this is the guy that when gummy smiled jackass (thanks Senator) threw that last interception just like he threw up on Yoko Romo’s parents that Saturday morning after he had that one too many Margaritas on Friday, left the bar and refused to go back in
this is the guy that would not re-enter the bar and had to wait outside in the cold until his girlfriend finished her last shot because of the NYFG victory

You know this guy....

NYFG 21 – Dallas Cowboys 17

Drunken New York Giants Fan (Manhattan Edition, DNYFG-M)
you know that guy
this is the guy that comes in with his friends after the NYFG victory over the Green Bay Packers with two of his buddies

this is the guy that finds the youngest people playing beer pong and oddly stands next to them
this is the guy that …LETS GO….BIG BLUE….LETS GO….BIG BLUE…..X45
this is the guy that angrily reacted when someone took their beer pong shot instead of yelling back, BIG BLUE
this is the guy then became one of my closest friends ever
this is the guy that leaves to buy the group beers, which he does. He is old…He has a job
this is the guy that in the process of buying beers, finds the bartender attractive and proceeds to take off his shirt
this is the guy that after taking off his shirt, gets on the bar and performs a semi-strip tease for the attractice bartender

LETS GO….BIG BLUE….LETS GO….BIG BLUE
you know this guy....

NYFG 23- Green Bay Packers 20

On a sidenote, I learned today in my Civil Procedure Class that the "know this guy" column is considered in some jurisdictions a possible intentional tort based on libel that could create legal problems for me.

As for Eli's transformation. I believe it is his care-free attitude. Also, word on the Streets of New York is that a certain Dalai Lama provided Eli with the following video...

Eli ignored the losers and brought his determination, A-game and drive to the field and success has followed him.

I live, work and am friends with degenerates

With the biggest gambling day of the year on the horizon, I have been prompted to post my long promised gambling piece.

The reason for the delay is BS stole some of my thunder when he posted the following mailbag.

The basic premise for both our articles was that gambling should only be done within reason. You WOULD think this would be obvious but even fellow LGTS writers are degenerates (cough “the Senator” cough). It’s gotten so bad that my friends give me daily briefs on the benefits of betting First Half NBA lines/ College Bball/ Greek Soccer/ etc. BS had a pretty comprehensive set of rules however I would like to add a few.

LGTS Gambling rule #1: Only bet on Sports that you watch- You would think this would be obvious but my aforementioned NBA First Half Line Betting Degenerate friend ("NFHLBD") convinced another friend of mine who has never watched the NBA on the merits of parlays using the following logic. “You can win over 2 grand from a dollar bet if you get a 12 team parlay right!” Needless to say he put his dollar up, lost it in the first game and would have been better served “investing” in the lottery.

LGTS Gambling rule #2: Only bet on Sports teams that you have watched- Similar to rule # 1 and again you would think this would be obviously but “NFHLBD” decided to bet on Portland (note, not the Blazers but the university) v. Some unranked team. (I could get you the exact game but that’s exactly how he described it to me) Why did he bet on them, you ask? Their bodog stats were strong, and the other team’s bodog stats were very weak.

Ignoring the fact that these stats are HISTORICAL and therefore are not accurate predictors of the future, the guys here at LGTS have composed the following test to ensure that you are compliant with rule #2.

1. Do you know who plays on this team? If yes, you might be ok if no proceed to question two

2. Do you know one player on this team (preferably the best player)? If yes, then gamble at your own risk, if no then proceed to question three.

3. If someone was on the injury report do you have any idea what that actually does to your gambling risk profile? If yes you are walking the thin line of blasphemy but you might be ok, if no you are a moron.

Needless to say NBFHLBD failed all three of these questions, put his bet up and promptly lost badly. The best part was he parlayed the bet with two others that he easily covered because you know parlays are great! You can make a 500% return!

LGTS Gambling rule #3: Stop gambling when you start saying things like “100% return just seems so low, what can I do to make this bet look more attractive.” Can you guess who said the above line? If you think this might be the same person who bets on NBA first half lines you are correct.

LGTS Gambling rule #4: Only bet on games that you can watch- This rule is not as intuitive as the others as you can easily win bets on games that you didn’t watch but this rule was put in place as a safeguard against rules 1 and 2. The Senator bets on Greek Soccer! Greek Soccer! What's next IVY league basketball? The status of his current greek soccer bet is TBD, however you might have noticed a trend when people break the rules........

Sure you can research teams ad nauseum with the 24/7 information cycle but without actually watching the games you are counting on second hand information. Trust your eyes! Trust yourself! Do your own research! Watch the games!

And if trusting yourself means you are a loser then reading this blog has been a waste of time for you because there’s nothing that I can say that will make your gambling any better.

Update

Upon hearing about the creation of the following rules, the Senator had the following response “Being a gambling man, I will bet that we do not follow those rules"

Update II

Upon reading the blog NFHLBD took a moment to reflect and confided in me about his wavering confidence. He mentioned he had been losing horribly lately, and that this past week he had missed 6 out of 6 bets in his round robin (sort of like a modified parlay). Does this mean NFHLBD decided to get out of the gambling business? Nope he came up with this gem of a strategy. “I am seriously thinking about picking games that I would bet on and then making the exact opposite bet to see what happens, if I did the exact opposite thing, (on Saturday) I’d be rich”

GL NFHLBD, I can already see LGTS Gambling rule #5……

Update III

The Senator won both of his parlays including "English, Italian, Greek, Spanish, and German soccer” Needless to say I am impressed by the gambling ability of the Senator.

The 1st District Deliberation

Today in politics

So, much to the disdain of Hillary Clinton, Ted, Patrick, and Caroline Kennedy all rallied today in support of Candidate Barack Obama for the 08 Democratic nomination. This comes as a shock as other members of the Kennedy family have explicitly held their support for Hilldog. However, being of a more liberal standing, and not wanting to see “Some er, uh, dumb broad run hir mowth”, Ted, Patches and Caroline specifically endorsed Obama, and in doing so fired back at every criticism Hillary has thrown at him. Needless to say, the speech was filled with a ton of JFK and RFK propaganda, as well as this group of “limousine liberals'” reiteration of their own progress for change and hope and blah blah blah who gives a fuck. Honestly, I never see the point in endorsing a candidate for the nomination unless you have something to gain. If you’re endorsing a specific democrat, its highly unlikely if that candidate doesn’t get a nomination that you’re gonna vote republican. Am I right? For the Kennedys this seemed a bit more opportunistic for them in that they are either getting cabinet positions or deliberately using Obama to fuck with Hillary(more likely) Also, while this does stick it to Hillary, Teddy Kennedy explicitly said in his speech that this does not take away from his opinion of his friends (hilldog and blinky) and how he just hopes for a democrat to win in 08. (cough::you're so full of shit::cough)

Well there it is. Obama has officially been endorsed by a murderer and another threat to anyone driving after happy hour. (I’ve no beef with sweet Caroline) And while I feel this could be a good move because the Kennedys are still America’s royal family and people love them, despite 20 years of the Clinton-Bush monarchy, I think this is more beneficial to their interests then Barack. While he gains some big name support, I think they are sucking at his youth to try and keep themselves hip and politically active for another 20 years. In addition, Kennedy’s admission of his support for a democratic presidency whether or not Obama is there is also a bit sketchy. So to summarize the entire point of today’s exercise in endorsements, I’ll go with, “Fuck you Hillary, unless you win the nomination, then we were just kidding. XOXO The Kennedys P.S. stop being a bitch”

Also to anyone interested in the State of the Union address tonight, here’s something fun that I’ll most likely be participating in. http://www.drinkinggame.us/

P.S. Shoutout to our friends in Gjovik, Norway, and Rosebank, South Africa… We here at LGTS appreciate your support in visiting our site, and continue to ponder how you found us in the first place. Cheers! UPDATE:::: my bad, and of course a special shoutout to those in Leuven/Brussels, Beligum. Op Uw Gezondheid!

And for no good reason...Elisha Cuthbert

Football Soap Opera Digest Weekly; I Hate That There Is No Football This Weekend (senior bowl doesn't count...fuck colt brennan)

Ok so amid the nonstop stories about how crazy Britney Spears is and how Amy Winehouse finally went to rehab, recent tabloid reports have infiltrated ESPN even (God, say it ain’t so?!) to discuss the Tony Romo and Yoko Romo, sorry, Jessica Simpson relationship scandal. I’m paraphrasing ESPN last night on Sportscenter when they say they have obtained information (from OK! Magazine no less, a fine reputable periodical!) that Tony Romo tried to dump Daisy Duke last week. However, Jessica either did not follow the basic concepts he was trying to relay to her, or just refused to be dumped by this gummy smiled jackass. So in order to try and drive her away, Tony decided to take her on a hunting trip, to make her feel awkward and unwanted. This failed miserably, like his playoff record, and she and he are still dating…sort of. Basically there has been no resolution to the issue and Jessica is just pissed off that people could report that: A) she’d been dumped (by Tony Romo, no less) and B) people would print such things. Now, this all being said, I could care less what happens to the couple. I retain the last lingering amount of respect for Tony Romo only because he had the audacity to "hit it and quit it" with good ole’ Chicken of the Sea herself, but he can’t even do that right, so fuck him.

Moving on from one pretty boy QB to another…

Tom Brady was seen wearing a boot on his right foot this week, causing a media clusterfuck to report that he might not play, he’s more hurt than Belicheat is letting on, and other ridiculous nonsense not pertaining to anything really valuable. These reports were then nullified by interviews with Brady and his father with the two stating that virtually nothing could keep him from the game and that the boot was merely precautionary. Moreover he was seen later that night sans walking cast. However, today’s news reports that Brady has been absent from any media coverage at practice. This could mean something awful! Maybe he really is hurt! Maybe Belichick is hiding something! Or (and this is directed to any asshole believes anything in the past 3 sentences could actually be true) maybe the Patriots are all just full of shit. Tom Brady has been “Probable” or "Questionable" for the last 55 games, and he’s played in every last one. I wouldn’t be surprised if the boot and this entire media storm is just to fuck with the Giants' planning (though I don’t see how). Anyways, I don’t really care about Tom Brady. I think it will take more than him to win the Super Bowl, especially with the way he played last week.

That being said, I hate that football has been tainted by this tabloid nonsense. On the plus side though, I do not apologize for getting to use the gratuitous pictures of Jessica Simpson.

calling my shot. finally.

so Chiggy called me out, so I guess I finally have to post. I'll take this time to call my far fetched a la Oregon's O-line shot:

When Eli and Big Blue win next week and destroy The Hoodie's reason to live, I'll name my first born son Elijah Manning.

Giants by a fg over New England...and a little baby Elijah Manning Almeida.

Football is Awesome because I hate French People

Empirically, football is the most popular sport in America. There is no other professional athletic endeavor that comes close to creating such fervor among American sports fans. Football brings Americans together; it creates commonality and solidarity among people that have nothing else in common. It’s a beautiful thing really. What I’m wondering is, why?

I mean, sure it’s great that we’ve got some modern day gladiators beating the shit out of eachother in some modern-day Coliseum. Is the real reason we love football simply an extension of the id within American males? Can it really be true that we’ve not come any further than the Romans? Actually, that could be true, but I don’t think it’s the whole truth.

The real reason Americans love football is xenophobia. Football is the only sport still solely dominated by Americans. For every Christian Okoye there are 1,000 Dominican baseball players making it to the big leagues or humongous German shooters playing in the NBA. Football is the last bastion of American preponderance of power. The thing is, I’m not saying that this is some conscious anti-immigrant feeling that pervades American fandom. It’s just that, like always, we favor Americans, and in this day and age in a world system where we don’t really have any enemies who will show their faces, we juxtapose our old feelings of jingoistic fervor onto the closest approximation we have; sports, and by sports I mean football. Fuck. And. Yes.

fucking Heath

so fucking Heath Ledger died...

that sucks, but at least he is done with Batman. Poor dude.

Anyways, is it gay to kinda be curious to watch Brokeback Mountain now just to see what the fucking big deal with it was?

January Thoughts

I am really pleased with the start of our Trip recap, Prolific has successfully recapped day 1 (out of 10)

Joey has been on fire, his work so far has been nothing short of a Herculean Effort.

LGTS has hit 37 states and 28 countries, continue to spread the word.

The Smokes Girl has called her shot, she will have an article up soon (apparently she’s going to talk about “That girl”)

I have not been very blogductive; this should change in the upcoming weeks.

You Know That Guy (why i suck)

You know that guy.....
this is the type of guy that invites two of his friends to his house in Miami, FL in order to do a road trip through the C.S.A., into DC, past the Mason-Dixon into the City of Brotherly Love and finally reaching Gotham.
this is the type of guy that decides it would be a good idea to live the dream.
this is the type of guy that wanders the streets of Philadelphia.
this is the guy that promises a blog post and delivers it 3 weeks later.
this is the guy that sucks it up at Law School, all day, every day.
you know that guy.

As Chiggy wrote earlier, we embarked on the Trip. On this Trip, we met some other guys....yea, those guys that you know. There were even some gals too. Since I am in Constitutional Law Class, I will give a quick run down of quotes and actions of those guys (Miami Edition)...that we all know.

Fake Angry Guy (F.A.G.)
You know that guy.
this is the guy that considers himself rugged yet wears that witty t-shirt that his mom bought him at "Hot Topic" for his last birthday because she heard that the t-shirt is what F.A.G.s like her son wear
this is the guy that plays beer pong (Beirut) at Barracuda's in Coconut Grove, Flawdah on the weekends. However, he does not realize he is perhaps the worst BP player to have two balls in his hands (ping pong balls)
this is the guy that when he misses a shot at BP, angrily screams FUCK, and punches the wall at a bar upset. This occurs every time he misses, which is every time he tries
this is the guy that 3 nano-seconds after the above act, shares laughter with his opponents and maybe even shares a "moment" with them. He follows this up by trying to flirt with average girls around him by pointing to his witty shirt.
this is the guy that enters a verbal altercation to the old dude at the bar and then, he gives him the finger when he sees him walking outside. because he is such a badass and he is a F.A.G.
You know this guy....

Real Angry Guy (R.A.G.)
you know that guy
this is the guy that is fat yet wears a wife beater to the bar, transforming the wife beater to a bra
this is the guy that is all tatteed up, yet none of his tattoos make sense
this is the guy that his friends abandon by going to another part of the bar
this is the guy that screams in random people's ear when the ping pong ball hits the ground
this is the guy that speaks in a neolithic dialect which resembles a pre-civilized version of Quechua, the Incan language
this is the guy that when I am setting up my BP game, starts chugging from my pitcher, causing a possible confrontation
this is the guy that gets angry when i take my own pitcher back
this is the guy that became my best friend when i offered him a cup of beer
this is the guy that said he would unconditionally have my back for the rest of my life because of this beer
you know this guy....